Ramadhan 1429H

I’m in such a good mood. Today is 29th Sya’aban, the last day of the month. That means tomorrow is 1st Ramadhan, the first day of fasting!

I absolutely love Ramadhan. I’m sure a lot of people do too. For whatever reason that we have, Ramadhan is always anticipated with joy. For most Muslims they await Ramadhan purely for the spiritual factor where this month they have the chance to get themselves closer to God. This month is special unlike any other month. They won’t let it passed by without taking full advantage of it. Hats off to them.

Ramadhan has become part of our culture. And that is what I love the most about it, the ambiance. I don’t know how or when it started but I prefer Ramadhan to Aidilfitri now (Aidilfitri is still ace though). I love waking up for sahur, although I will complained about waking up at that time, I love it! I love iftar and I love terawikh (seriously). And of course, I love pasar Ramadhan!

I love how people will crowd pasar Ramadhan to get food for iftar. It’s like pasar Ramadhan has this magical touch of bringing the best food out from their hiding. The best roti john, the best murtabak, popia, putu piring, etc will only be on offer during Ramadhan. I think it is the law here. Those who make the best food and kuih will have to reserve their specialties for Ramadhan. It work wonders for everyone. The food on offer became something exclusive. Like this putu piring at the pasar ramadhan near my place, the queue for it is like one kilometer or something. Truly unbelieveable!

Just to make this year’s Ramadhan more special, I actually have resolutions.

First, I want to quit smoking. Say what you want, laugh all you can, but by the time Ramadhan ended I will be a non-smoker. Second, I want to go to as many pasar Ramadhan as I can. I won’t be buying a lot of food, my golden era of eating a lot is over. I just want to experience different pasar Ramadhans. Normally, traffic jam is the reason I gave myself not to go to some but this year I don’t care. I don’t care how bad the traffic is, how far I have to park and then walk, I will go.

Wow, this talk of Ramadhan really got me excited. I think I better stop now. It is not good for me to get too excited because I will often be disapointed. Maybe someday I will write about my experiences during Ramadhan, the good as well as the bad....

Selamat berpuasa everyone! Wishing everyone a good and productive Ramadhan.

**I have a third resolution actually, that is to go to terawikh every night. Doable? Hmm, we will see...

Throwing The Towel

I watched Blood Diamond yesterday. After all this time I finally managed to watch the movie until the end. Before this there were always something that comes up and I never get to finish watching it. Good movie, although the Rambo wannabe scene spoiled it a little bit, it was still good. The Titanic guy deserved his Oscar nomination. I’m glad that he got the recognition, he is a good actor and I’ve liked him since The Beach.

But I’m not going to write about him or how I rate the movie here. Instead, I’m going to give my two cents worth on one aspect of the movie, about how the movie ended leaving us pondering whether Daniel Archer was a noble or an evil human being.

My loyal readers (stop rolling your eyes, just play along!) will remember that I wrote about how I perceive good and bad deeds very early in my blog. It was in fact my second posting, titled Good or Bad. So this is kind of a sequel to it.

In Blood Diamond, Daniel Archer (DA) sacrificed his life to safe the African guy with his kid (sorry can’t remember names). DA gave his gun to the African guy and told the guy to get on their get-away plane without him. Then DA called his ‘almost’ girlfriend and basically laid out a plan for her to further help the African guy. DA did all that while he was bleeding to death and while the bad guys were getting closer to him, totally ignoring his own safety, for a guy who he at first only intended to take advantage of.

If you leave it at that and just take the face value, DA was definitely the good guy. Of course, giving up your life for others is a very righteous thing to do but it is not that simple. DA hardly had a choice. He knew he won't survive, he knew he will die from the gun wound that he had. Being in that situation made it easy for him. Why should he die as the bad selfish mercenary/diamond smuggler? That was his chance to make a good name for himself.

Just moments before that he was still contemplating whether to ditch the African guy or to honour the deal they made. Facing certain death made it easier for him to decide.

What I'm trying to say here is to do something good when it is obviously the better option is easy.

Let’s look at my situation, where my current job will make those who have flexible working hours envious. So if anyone needed my help, even for the most trivial of matters, I will take time off work to help them. Not because I’m this wonderful noble guy who put others ahead of myself. It is just that I can, because I have the time to help, that’s it. If taking time off work meant facing my boss wrath, guess which option will I take?

I’m writing this just to stress my belief that sadly this is how life is. Most don’t realise that there is no more genuine good deed. Most of the time we do it because it is convenient for us. We will not go out of the way to help others. It is even worse when we start to use the word sacrifice. That word is often tainted now. It has lost its meaning.

'I have sacrificed everything for you.' Yeah right!

Let’s use my experience as an example. When I was studying, my friends kind of looked high on me because I was a bit generous with money. I don’t mean that I treated my friends to lunch or dinner everyday, it was just that whenever they were short of money they knew they could come to me and I rarely disappoint them, and I will make no fuss about them owing me money.

For them, it was extremely nice of me, but I don’t see it that way at all. At that time money was something that I have. I didn’t come from a rich family, but my family always made sure that I was never short of it. So really, lending money to my friends was not a problem, it was convenient for me. If I needed money I can always ask for more. But some of my friends can’t, so for them it is a big thing (that I lend them money).

Some of you may point out that just because that’s how I am doesn’t mean the rest of the world are the same. Well I have been let down too many times. When things are easy and convenient I’ve been made happy. But when things get tough I’m often left disappointed. Everyone is the same. They either don’t realise it or just won’t admit to it.

Earlier I mentioned about taking things at their face value. Maybe I should just do that to safe myself from the complication of looking at things too deeply. Well I’ve tried that, and very harshly got slaps on my face, time and again for doing it. I don’t want to be naïve anymore. I don’t mean to be skeptic but this is how I see the world now.

Only when it is the better option. Only when it is convenient.

Good luck to me.

Aiyoo, Don’t Take It Too Seriously

Ok here goes. My blog, the one I'd like to think is world famous, it’s just a blog. True it is the reflection of my thoughts and feelings but IT IS JUST A BLOG (can't stress that enough). What I’ve written don’t necessarily show my stand (some entries do though). When I write, I like to exaggerate things, exaggerate my feelings and exaggerate my thoughts. I will put myself in different shoes, trying to see things from different angles and perspectives.

If I’m writing about being angry, I will put myself in angry shoes, whoever shoes they were. Same goes to writing about sadness, disgusts, etc2. So when in the blog I say ‘sucks’, take into account that the ‘sucks’ is exaggerated, sometimes made up. That ‘sucks’ is how I feel it being viewed from a different, made up angles. Got that?

It’s like when you read a book. Let say the main character in that book hates football. You can’t go around thinking that it is the writer who hates football. For all you know, the writer may well be the biggest fan of it.

Why am I being defensive? To be honest I’m not really sure. I just have this feeling that some people got offended reading my blog. I don’t think that’s fair. This blog is not a diary. For me a diary is something you write only for yourself so you can really pour out your exact feelings. Some people do treat their blogs as diaries but not me. I have this blog because I love writing. This blog is how I channel my interest in writing.

I have made it clear at my ‘The Comeback’ & ‘The Brain’ section the point I’m making here. So please don’t judge my character through this blog. I said above, what I’ve written don’t necessarily show my stand (some entries do though). So how would you know? Well I’m here, I exist outside my blog. Come to me and ask, come to me and voice your concern. Don’t make conclusion by just basing it on 'The Good Boy'.

The real me is the one you know. How I acted, reacted; what I said, how I said it; the real me is the one you know outside the blog. Don’t get confused by it.

Next Step?

How did it go again?
‘You poor sweet innocent thing, dry your eyes’,
Yup, these eyes were dried but for what?

How did the saying go again?
‘Live well because it is the greatest revenge’
Ok, I’m living well but then what?

What did she tell me again?
‘Ignore them and just do your thing”
Sure, I’m doing my thing but until when?

What did they say again?
‘Love is about giving, not expecting’
Right, I’ll give more but won’t I look stupid?

Perfection doesn’t exist
Life isn't all sunshine
Will I ever accept that?!

Men Power!

We can be ‘imam’, women can’t. Prayers time, we lead the line. We are the head of the family. A wife cannot leave home without the permission of the husband. A husband has the right to discipline the wife, physically. A husband can take 4 wives. A husband can divorce a wife by just saying 3 words, a wife has to go back and forth to the court to get a divorce.

What a wonderful creature we must be. Well actually we are not. So why does God gave such power to us?

A friend of mine is trying to get a divorce from her husband. The reason, among other things, was her husband had an affair. That was the last straw for her, and she left him. But they are not divorced yet. It’s too complicated. She needs to find a lawyer and that will cost a lot of money. She has to go to court to get fasakh, and there is a possibility that she won’t get it, the reason being she was the one who left. It does not matter that her husband neglected some of his responsibilities. It doesn’t matter that her husband cheated on her.

She left him, and that was all that matters. She is in the wrong.

Guess what her husband did when she left their house. Instead of him going after her, he brought his girlfriend to stay at the house! What a guy! His girlfriend has since left him because apparently he lied to her about being married. And now he won’t let his wife go, wants to get back with her. He apologised and told her not to prolong the issue. Can you believe that? Not to prolong the issue!

“Sayang, I’m sorry for what I did. I’m sorry I brought her to stay at our house. I’m sorry for not going after you immediately after you left. But she’s gone now and I’m all alone. So let’s forget all that and let’s get back together.”

It is mind boggling! As I said, what a guy!

Back to my question now. Why does God gave such power to men? It hardly seems fair.

Well God is God. He is above perfect. We can’t question Him. If we failed to understand the reasoning behind His rules and laws, we have to try harder. We have to look for the reasoning with the intention to find truth, not only to make it work for us.

Most men will see this as a sign that men are superior to women. They became arrogant and often when they got into arguments with their wives they will point to all this, trying to assert their power using the said God’s rule.

For me, while there are some truths in it, we have to look deeper.
‘With great power comes great responsibility.’ (Sigh, can’t believe I’m quoting Uncle Ben).

Responsibility. Somehow that word often escaped our thoughts. We feel we have the absolute power. No one can question us. We forgot that the bigger the responsibility is, the more severe our punishment will be if we neglected it. Maybe all will be well for us in this world but we will never ever escaped God’s punishment in the afterworld. God give men the power because we can handle it. Because we could and should be fair.

Just as an example, let’s look at Prophet Muhammad. A guy during Prophet Muhammad’s time hit his wife because the guy said his wife was stubborn and big headed. He had tried giving advices but the wife didn’t change. So he hit her.

According to the law, the guy was well within his rights to do so. But our beloved Prophet didn’t say ‘well it’s your right to do it’. Instead he said ‘why would you hit your sleeping companion, why would you hit the mother of your children?’

Can you see the point I’m making? In using our power we have to be considerate. We have to use our God given brain. We have to be responsible!

Hey, I’m not perfect. I don't mean to preach by writing this. I have lots of flaws as a man. But at least I’m trying to be fair. Rules are rules, but when it involves our better half, let’s use it as a guide first. Let’s not use the rules to justify us being jerks and act like a neandhertal.

We men have our privileges and specialties, but so do women. Let’s not abuse it.

As for my friend, I hope her husband will let her go. She suffered enough.

The Good Boy – The One With The First Date

The day arrived. They have been in contact for a while now, conversing and flirting through phone and emails. Then an opportunity presented itself. Payment time. Instead of him using the dispatch to send the cheque, she would come over to his office to collect it. The date was set, 27/1, a Friday. The start of many Fridays to come.

Since morning he has been thinking about the evening. His watch moved painfully slower than ever. Although his mind was focused on the evening only, he forced himself to finish up all the work required for the day as quickly as he can. He doesn’t want work to come in the way later.

Nearing 4pm, she called him.
“Hi, I’m leaving office now. I’ll make a few stops on the way to see my other clients. So I’ll be at your office around 5.30. See you soon!”

“It’s really happening! I’m going to have my first ever date today!” He said quietly to himself, excited and nervous.

So the wait went on. He went to the toilet for the tenth time, just for the mirror. Just to make sure that the shirt he wore was ok. The shirt he chose to wear specifically for that day because through a picture he gave her, she had told him she liked the shirt.

He went back to his desk, trying to do more work but he just can’t concentrate anymore. So he tried to do other things, filing, cleaning his desk, surfing the net, reading newspaper and then his phone rang again. He looked at his watch, 5.15.

“Hey I’m already at the car park.” Her pretty voice sounded excited from the other end.

“Oh ok, wait for me there. Give me five minutes.” He rushed down. “Damn this stupid lift, why can’t it go faster!”

Few minutes later he was at the car park, looking for her car.

Then he saw the car. The first thing he noticed was the Manchester United sticker. “Ergh, what have I gotten myself into!”

He walked towards the passenger’s side. She didn’t notice he was there. He knocked on the window, she turned to see. Immediately, seeing him standing there, she slumped deeper to her seat, as if she wanted to hide under it. She bit her lip, smiling sheepishly. The smile that he will forever remembers.

She rolled down the window, then her hands gripped the steering tighter. She glanced sideways to him, still biting her lips, still with the sheepish smile, “Come in and have a sit first,” she said.

He opened the door and sat at the passenger’s seat.

“Hi, glad to finally meet you." They shook hands. “Any trouble finding this car park?”

“No, no trouble at all.” Silence. “So what should we do now?” She asked, just to fill the silence.

“Let’s take care of business first. And while we are at it, let’s have coffee. Come follow me.”

They got out of the car and walked to the Starbuck at his office. There, he gave her the cheque. After she signed the necessary documents, business was over and the date ‘officially’ started.

It was easy for them. They hit it right off, the conversations were effortless and the jokes were always followed by laughter. He looked right at her as she was telling her stories and she always had a smile on her face. That special smile of her that made her face glow. Beautiful!

After a while, he had to go back up to his office.

“I won’t be long. Wait for me here, ok?” He told her.

She nodded.

He was afraid that she might leave, that she might run away. But when he returned, she was still there. Waiting for him. Smiling.

He let out a sigh of relief.

From there they went to have dinner. They continued telling their stories to each other. They sat there for hours, just conversing. She was showing him the scar on her hand, the one she got from the accident, when she got an sms.

It was from her friend, asking her about her date. “What should I tell her? Great? Wonderful? Excellent?” she asked as she looked at him playfully. He blushed.

He told her that her name was the same as his sister.

“Really? Then what will your family call me?”
Realising what she just said, it was her turn to blush. Beautiful, like a rose in full bloom.

After dinner they walked together to the car park. Now holding hands, they walked side by side, slowly. It was almost 12am when they got to their cars. It was supposed to be goodbye time but the goodbye didn’t happen. Instead they continued talking inside the car, for hours, about nothing at all.

The time was 3am when they reluctantly said goodbye. Neither wanted the night to end.

Liverpool vs Middlesbrough

Result: 2-1
Scorer: Carragher, Gerrard (Liv); Mido (Middlesbrough)
Man of the match: Carragher

Fucking hell, how do I write the report for this game! That game was what I’ve been waiting for, that was what I’ve been missing. The thrill, the suspense, the joy!

First home game for the season and I wasn’t disappointed, though I was close to throwing the remote at the TV a couple of times!

Before the game, much was made about the disappointing performance Liverpool put out in last week’s game against Sunderland. That, and how much Boro has improved this season as clearly shown in their last match when they beat Spurs. I knew they have improved but I didn’t know they have improved that much.

Credit to them for playing at Anfield the way they did. Less fancied team usually will play defensively at Anfield but Boro certainly had a go at Liverpool. They weren’t afraid and they deserved at least a draw, but luck was on Liverpool’s side tonight. We were lucky to get all three points.

The positives;
1- The partnership between Torres and Keane showed signs of improvement. They were not at full flow yet but it was encouraging to see they feed each other with chances.
2- The team played better. We went into the game without showing any worries about what Middlesbrough can do. That’s how it should be, let the other team worries about us. Dossena ventured forward a lot more than the last game but I would like both fullbacks to do that, since we don’t play with wingers.
3- Alonso and Gerrard played together. I know that was because The Chief wasn’t available yet but it was good to see nonetheless.
4- Kuyt showed good touches. He is important to the team. When he plays well the team usually plays well as well.
5- Gerrard and Carragher scored. Hope Gerrard will carry on from this game. Yet again, he rescued the team with a last minute goal. And Carragher, he hasn’t scored in like a hundred years! What a time to get on the scoresheet by scoring that equaliser.
6- First time under Rafa that we got full points for the first two games.

The negatives;
1- We must keep in mind that it was Boro we played against tonight, not the other three big teams. We need to improve further.
2- The pass and move, the little triangles. We need more of those. Our movements weren’t good. We need more confidence.

It was interesting to see Skertle played along side Carragher today with Agger on the bench. I wonder how Rafa rates the four central defenders including Hyypia. Four absolute top class defenders but we can only use two at a time. A nice problem to have but it is still a problem.

No one really stood out today. Carragher got the man of the match purely because of the goal. Really great to see him scoring. Hope he will score another nine!

Now let’s qualify for the CL!

The Beijing Olympi-chicks

I watched Bolt breaks another world record on Wednesday. This time it was the 200m sprint. He didn’t slow down at the last 10m, he didn’t thump his chest celebrating near the finish line, like he did in the 100m, but it was just as impressive. The record previously held by Michael Johnson was deemed by many as unbreakable. And he is only 22. That man can’t possibly be human! I just hope he won’t get caught using drugs. I really, really hope so.

But enough about him. So many people have been singing his praise so lets not do that now. Frankly I’m tired of hearing Bolt this, Bolt that. And also Phelps this, Phelps that. Why am I tired of those? It’s not because they don’t deserve it, they do. However, there are others who I think are more deserving to be talked about. Who you might ask? Well here they are!

Allison Stokke* - Pole Vaulting

Ezinne Okparaebo - 100m sprinter

Christina Vukicevic - 100-meter hurdle

Ida Marcussen - heptathlon

Alicia Sacramone - American Gymnast

Lolo Jones - 100-meter hurdle

For me, these girls deserve a diamond medal each, especially Allison Stokke. She can't lose with a pose like that!

How did they do in their respective events?

WHO CARES!!!


* Allison Stokke doesn’t even have to qualify for the Olympic to win the diamond medal!

High School Musical – The Ice Tour

I watched High School Musical (HSM) last weekend.

“I got tickets for all of you for High School Musical on 16/8.” That was my along’s sms, sent to all of us.

The idea was to take the kids to watch it. My nieces and my nephew are all crazy about HSM, it was unreal. Especially the two older girls, age 6 & 7. They memorise not just all the songs but even the dialogs as well. So my along got the tickets. But instead of just taking the kids, lets get everyone to join. Even my mum and dad. Great, a fun family outing. I don’t have any problems with it. Forget that none of us (except the kids obviously) knew anything about it. It will be fun!

But then we got a problem.

I suddenly remembered that the new season of football was starting on the same day.

“Can I give HSM a miss instead? Sigh, I can’t do that, the tickets cost so much!”

So for the first time in years, I will have to miss the opening game of the season. I was so looking forward to it but now I will have to miss it! For a show that I know nothing about!

“But it’s ok. Watching the kids enjoying themselves will be worth it.”

Then another problem came up.

My along, the one who initiated the plan can’t go. She had to travel. Bummer! What the hell? This is not fair. If I had to suffer, she has to as well!

“That’s ok lah. Watching the kids enjoying themselves will be worth it.”

But then we had another problem! The biggest blow of them all. The kids can’t go!

Apparently, for my two older nieces, their aunty from their mum’s side had tickets for them as well. Different show time but on the same day! And their aunty booked them first. So now, the two girls, the reason we were all going to the show won’t be there! Nice!

But we did go. My younger niece and his even younger brother love HSM too. They won’t understand much but they will enjoy the songs, the fancy lighting, the jumping & spinning.

Well, I enjoyed it more than I thought I would. All the songs were freakingly familiar. I have no idea how I knew the songs, but I did. There were nothing special with the skating though, and the lighting show itself wasn’t impressive. For me they totally depended on the brand hype, the popularity of HSM the movie.

But the kids enjoyed it very much and I guess that is what matters. So if you can, just catch the show for your kids’ sake. HSM is big, it’s the ‘in’ thing. Don’t deny your kids the show just because you knew nothing about it. I’m glad we didn’t.

Oh yeah, I did get to see my football game. We got back just in time for it.
And we ended up wasting two tickets. Can't find anyone to tag along at the last minute. What a pity!

Open Letter For Yu

I never got the chance to tell you how I feel about you, what our friendship meant to me because you left in such a hurry.

We fought all the time and I’m holding my hands up, most of it were my fault. We started off on the wrong foot, doing the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. I guess we never recovered from that. At least I didn’t.

As the time passed by, my care for you became real. What ever the reason was when we started, my care for you became a genuine thing that I felt deep inside. Hey, I truly care for you. It was real. Like I once told you, you may see what I’m saying as plastic, and I don’t blame you. I was a jerk most of the time when I’m with you and I regret that. But I do care for you.

I have a lot of anger in me. That’s who I am. What I’ve been through these past few years only made it worse. And you were there. As I was recovering we found each other. And I harshly channeled my anger towards you.

But we held on to each other.

When we were together it was a real pleasure to me. Sharing thoughts & fears and listening to your stories. The way your face lights up and the way you have that dreamy remembering look every time you tell Their stories. Your child-like smile and your childish grace. The way you remembered Them. I will never forget that.

But my anger, that was the problem.

And also Her. Don’t think I didn’t notice. Don’t think I didn’t realise. I can’t give you what you want, that I have made clear from the first day we met. So it wasn’t fair when you use Her as a reason, to make yourself leave.

When you told me that it will be soon, I didn’t expect it to be on that very night. And I didn’t expect you to be so resolute. How many times before have you decided to leave? We always end up back together. But the last text you sent me, asking me to make it happened for real that time broke my heart. So I agreed. So I promised. And I’m keeping it. Keeping it took every will power I have in me. I just want you to know that it is not easy.

But be assured, it will stay this way. It’s for the best I guess, for both of us.

Hey, I don’t blame you. I’m not angry. It’s inevitable. I just wish it wasn’t as abrupt as it was.

I'm sorry for every tears you shed. I'm sorry for every grief I caused.

You freed me baby darling, you made me happy. I wish I had the same effect on you.

All the best to you. I wish you well.

Sunderland vs Liverpool

Result : 0-1
Scorer : Fernando Torres
Man of the Match : Hyypia

The new season has started and Liverpool opened their campaign against the much improve (on paper at least) Sunderland.

I hate it when we play our first game of the season away. Maybe it’s because I always hope that we will start the season with a bang, and playing at Anfield will more likely resulted in that. But it was the Stadium of Light this season and the game was a drab.

Whatever optimism I had watching the pre-season was gone because of this game. We didn’t play well. Dossena didn’t get forward as much as he did during pre-season, Plesis looked out of place and I just cannot accept playing Kuyt on the right when we play 4-4-2. It’s ok playing him there as part of the forwards, but not as a right midfield. Add that by playing Arbeloa as right back, we completely lost the ability to attack from that flank. But what do I know, I learn my football from TV and CM.

Torres scored the winner yet again. What can I say about this boy, he was hardly in the game at all but when he got that one chance, he buried it. Good to see he picked up where he left last season. His partnership with Keane has yet to click though. Funny when Keane actually stopped his shot from crossing the line earlier.

MOTM for was Hyypia. He started nervously but soon enough regained his composure to put in a good performance. His performance today was nowhere near his best but because everyone else played so poorly he did enough to be given MOTM. Benayoun ran Hyypia close though. He is the only player who continued good form from the pre-season friendly. Hope he can keep it up, we need all the creativity we can get.

The upside of this game is we can only improve from here. I’m sure we will. Can’t wait for the next game already!

The Good Boy – The One With The Missing Car Key

It was already Sunday. 4pm.

The boy was walking around aimlessly, back and forth from his room to mum’s room. In his room angah was getting ready, already in his black pants and now putting on the batik shirt. In mum’s room, mum was putting on her tudung while dad was combing his hair. The boy is not happy. He felt like the time moved too fast. Seemed like Friday and Saturday was cut short by 23 hours each!

The boy continued his aimless walk. He was still in his shorts. Unlike everyone else, he wasn’t getting ready. Despite mum asking him to get ready for the tenth times, he kept on walking back and forth. As he passed the living room, he saw the car key. Right there on the coffee table, he saw it. Then he smiled.


“Angah is coming back this Friday. He will take the bus so he will probably reach home by Maghrib,” mum had told the boy as he was having lunch last Tuesday.

The boy’s eyes widen in excitement.

“Ok,” he said, trying to conceal his thrill. “I need him to take a look at the bike. Something is wrong with it.”

“What’s wrong with it? You can get ayah to take a look,” mum suggested.

“That’s ok, I’ll just wait for angah,” said the boy.

Mum just smiled, knowingly.


“Anyone knows where the car key is?” Suddenly dad shouted to no one.

No one answered. Everyone was outside, ready to go. Dad asked again, standing at the door.

This time mum answered. “I don’t know. Where did you put it? It’s not on the coffee table? Maybe it’s in the dinning room.”

“It’s not there as well.” Dad continued searching.

After a while mum went back in the house to help looking for the car key. Soon everyone was looking for it. Along, angah & alang joined in the search. The boy stayed outside. After a few minutes of waiting alone outside, guilt started to creep in. He went inside.

Inside the house he saw everyone was looking frantically. High and low. Left and right. Still no sign of the key. The boy saw angah getting restless. The boy knew angah needed to go back to school before six. The time was almost five. The boy moved his attention to his dad. His dad was scratching his head with a puzzled expression on his face.

“Where is the key? It was on the coffee table before, where did it go?” asked dad, again to no one.

The guilt was getting stronger. The boy felt he should admit it now. But he was scared and embarrassed too. Yup, the embarrassment stopped him from admitting that he hid the key because he didn’t want angah to go back to his school. He wanted more time with angah. Two days were not enough.

However, he knew just what to do.

“Has anyone tried the book shelves? Maybe it’s there.” He said, in hope that someone would start looking there.

No answer. Everyone was busy looking for the key.

The boy walked to the shelves. Pretending to look for the key, he said, “I need help here, I can’t reach the top part. Maybe it’s there.”

But everyone kept ignoring him. Why would the key be there? How can the key end up being there?

The boy didn’t give up. He kept on urging everyone to look at the shelves. ‘Oi everyone! Are you all deaf? Start looking at the shelves. I’m giving you guys a clue here. Read my lips, THE BOOK SHELVES!’

After a few times asking everyone to look for the key at the bookshelves, along suddenly looked straight at the boy, funny expression on her face. She walked to the shelves, and sure enough she found the key, hidden behind some books!

“Everyone, I found the key! It was at the book shelves!”

How did it get there, who put it there? Everyone was asking the same question. And soon enough they all exchanged the look, the knowing look. Then they exchanged smiles. Then small held back giggles. The boy heard alang whispered to along, “No wonder he was so eager asking us to look there!”

Then dad, noticing the look of guilt in the boy's face, said quickly, “Ok thank god we found the key. Lets not just stand here. Lets go now, we are already late.”

Taking the cue from dad, everyone went outside to the car. Smiles on their faces, especially along's. She had so many teasing words in her head. But she realised it wasn't the time yet.

In the car on the way to angah’s school, the boy kept quiet and kept looking down, embarrassed. He knew everyone realised what he did. But no one blamed him and no one was angry with him. No one even gave him the usually mockery, which was nice. He would have cried in embarrassment.

Angah was late, but thank god he didn’t get into trouble! And later that night, after they got back from angah’s school, the teasing started. Fast, thick & heavy.

The boy was just relieved that everyone saw the funny side of it!

For The Double X

Girls like drama too much. They feel that drama make their life more interesting. When they read books or watch movies, they think that is how life supposed to be. They choose too ignore the fact that books and movies put life under the microscope so that the story will be more readable and watch-able. They don’t want to accept that fairy tales are just made-up stories. It’s not that they are stupid, but that’s just how they are.

They want their life to be out of the ordinary. That’s what they dreamt of since early on. When it comes to love, it’s not enough to just find a guy who loves them that they can love back. No, it has to be spectacular. The guy has to serenade and sing to them under heavy thunderstorms. While the typhoon is blowing houses off the ground, they want the guy to read love poems to them.

They have to meet the guy under dramatic situations too, like if a pen slipped from a girl’s hand, a guy who was a complete stranger, has to drop everything that he was doing, jumped at least three floors down and moved fast enough in time to get to the freaking pen before it touches the floor. That’s what they want. The dramatic effect.

Even though they really want all that, they do realise that it’s not likely to happen. They are smart, eventually they will figure it out. They know their life is not out of the ordinary because they are only ordinary girls. No guys would jump off KLCC for them because again they are just ordinary girls. But girls still want that fairy tale kind of life. They think hard and feel they found a solution. Using their amazingly smart brain they found a solution. They turned to depression.

For them, depression will make their life exciting and meaningful. They exaggerated their problems into an armageddon of some sort. Girls want everyone to think that they have been through a lot, hell in fact, so everyone will say ‘You poor girl, now you just sit tight and I’ll get you everything that you need’. In their depression they can be as horrible as they want, as selfish as they want and no one can blame them. ‘She is depressed ok, cut her some slack!’.

They alter their expectations and demands. They say they don’t expect much from a guy. All they ask is for the guy to ‘prove’ his love. Whatever normal guys do, no matter how much time, efforts, thoughts and money spent will not be enough. “I still don’t feel loved,” a girl will say. “I can’t see his determination in wanting me;” another girl would say.

They will turn into this horrendous monster of the sole purpose to torture guys who fell in love with them.

“Sorry I’m late. My boss won’t let me go.”
“You just never try hard enough for me.”
“But I did argue with my boss. When he won’t let me leave, I called him a ‘big ape’. Now I’m in trouble. I don’t think I’ll get that promotion now. And goodbye to my bonus this year.”
“You should have quit then. You are late. You don’t love me enough.”
No chance in hell for the guy to win.

I love girls. For me they are amazing. It’s like all the good, pretty, sweet DNA went to chromosome X and the rest went to chromosome Y. Honestly that’s how I feel. I imagine I would treat a girl with all the sweetness and love, as much as I can. But the girl has got to earn the right first. The problem is most girls feel that being born a female, they automatically earned the right to be treated as a princess. That’s wrong. Earn the right first and I’m sure you will eventually get the fairy tale you have been dreaming of.

And please accept the fact that we guys have our own limitation. We make mistakes, act stupid but that doesn’t mean we love you less.

Sincerely, I would give everything I have to make your fairy tale comes true. But earn the right first. That is all I’m asking.

A Thousand Splendid Suns

I’m an idiot. I knew from the very beginning when I read the synopsis, I should not read this book. But I did. I knew this book will make me depressed and still I went ahead and read it. Now I’m all miserable and angry. Now I’m paying for my idiocy.

I mentioned this book, ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’ (TSS) by Khaled Hosseini, in my review of ‘The Summer of Secrets’. Even back then when I chose to read ‘Summer of Secrets’ first I knew that TSS is one of those books that will make you feel hapless and hopeless. But I also knew then that TSS is going to be superb, gripping & masterful, and that’s why I read it. And I’m right on both accounts; it is a masterful gripping story, and it made me feel hapless and hopeless.

TSS tells a story about two women, Mariam first then Laila, how they live their life in Afghanistan, how they struggles against the discriminations women faced there. TSS is also about how they survive the wars; war against The Russian, against the Mujahideen themselves and then against the Taliban.

As I flipped through the pages of TSS, I realised that I need to do something so it won’t be too depressing for me. So I decided to cushion the impact by reading it bit by bit, just to make me less attached to the story. It didn’t work at all. The author was just too good in capturing and describing the misery suffered by the two characters. And the author made an excellent job too in capturing the stupidity and cruelty of those men who claimed they were just abiding to the Islamic laws in their cruelty.

I said above that apart from being miserable, I also felt angry. I felt angry thinking how stupid some people can make Islam looks like, and to think they claim they were only doing God’s wish. Though TSS was fictional, the story in it was based on real events. It happened before, it’s happening now and it will continue in the future. I felt scared as well. Some people just never had the chance, the odds were against them from the beginning. No matter what they do, it will never be good enough. No matter how hard they tried, in the end it will mean nothing. I just hope I wont be one of them.

So please read ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’. Definitely worth the money and time. You won’t regret it.

And by the way, this book did make me cry. In that one part, I just can’t hold it back. Stupid book!

Match Making

him: oit...
ko nak awek tak?
3:18 PM umur 26..
budak baik ..pakai tudung

5 minutes

3:23 PM me: NAK!!!
ko igt anak kucing ke senang2 je nak pass kat org?

3:27 PM him: oit..bukan terus jadi awek ko...kawan la dulu...
dia duduk area bangi...
ko punya aku carikan yang baik..

me: mana ko kenal?

3:28 PM him: officemate aku punya member...
skrg nie nak ke tak nak?

me: haha
manala aku tau nak ke tak nak

him: apsal gelak..
ni confirm ko tak nyesal punya

me: dia keje apa?

3:29 PM him: aik dah demand pulak
keje 3S dealers..
executive..

me: cantik sgt ke?
meh gbr aku nak tgk

3:30 PM him: jap...officemate aku bagi gambar..
ok..
takkan aku nak bagi ko yang tak ok kot...
3:31 PM keta pakai proton Gen 2..
ape lagi ko nak...
duit dalam account?
hahahahaa

3:32 PM me: apsal korang ada gbr dia?
siap pass2 lagi

him: tak..tadi member aku sembang ngan aku...
dia kata ade 2 member dia tgh mencari la...
aku pun terus ingat kat ko

3:33 PM me: ko kenal dia ke tak?

him: kawan dia mana la aku kenal...

me: abih tu camne ko tau dia baik?

him: yang sorang lagi tu aku kenal...keje maybank..kecik je budak nye..macam wife aku..
3:34 PM officemate aku cakap la...
kawan baik dia...
officemate aku nie pompuan...dia nie memang baik...

me: bak la gbr cepat

him: kejap la

3:35 PM me: dia dah ada bf lom?

3:38 PM him: bukak email..
so far takde..
baru clash 2 bulan lepas..
so kalau ko masuk..ko jadi la penyeri dia..

me: haha

him: iye...
aku cakap betul...
3:39 PM ko dah tgk gambar belum?

me: dah

him: ape comment?

me: haha sakit perut aku gelak

him: apsal?
ko tak suka?>
ade satu lagi

me: bukan gelak kat dia, gelak kat ko la
ko dpt komisen ke apa?

3:40 PM him: aku dapat pahala la...
jap satu lagi ...
budak maybank..
member dia gak..

3:43 PM me: oi cptla mana gbr?

him: kejap la
him: dah
tgk yang bulat jugak

3:45 PM me: comelnya dia
budak mana tu?

him: Budak kuala pilah
3:46 PM kene sgt la tu
amcam mana satu ko nak...

me: haha

him: nie mesti mak ko suka punya....
mesti dia ingat awek tu yang beli kan ko jam
hahahahah

me: haha
dua2 umo 26 ke?

him: aah...
ko nak no phone tak?
3:47 PM aku boleh bagi satu je..
so, ko kena pilih yang mana satu ko nak berkenalan

me: alamak, aku kena pilih skrg ke?

him: ye la..
sng sikit member aku nak adjust nanti

3:48 PM me: ko dah bgtau member ko ke nak kenalkan kat aku?

him: dah...
tu sebab dia bagi gambar

3:49 PM me: ishh, bersungguh ke minah 2 org tu tgh carik bf?

him: iye....berkenalan la dulu...mana tau serasi..

3:50 PM me: yg budak pilah tu duk mana?

3:51 PM him: duduk subang perdana...kat arae office aku...
dia keje kat maybank subang perdana

3:52 PM me: yg sorang lagi tu?

him: duduk kat bangi

me: dia asal mana?

3:53 PM him: org seremban

me: dua2 org n9

him: aah...
cepatla pilih

me: ko rasa mana yg elok?

3:54 PM him: aku dah ade wife la..
bg aku yang keje maybank tu lagi ok..
cute sikit
3:55 PM ko rasa camne?

me: mana aku tau
cuba ko tny member ko tu mana yg elok

3:56 PM him: camni la...aku bagi no phone yang budak maybank tu..nanti ko adjust la...
017-xxxxxxx
3:57 PM rxxxxxx..
ko buat2 salah no...
member aku kata dia nie kelakar...
amacam?

me: err, aku pun tak tau

3:58 PM him: la pulak...tak tau ape?

me: ko igt sng2 je ke nak tipon org yg tak kenal

4:01 PM him: ala buat2 la tersalah no...
lunch hour ko datang sini..
4:02 PM boleh?
kitaorg perkenal kan nak?

4:03 PM me: oi
nnt dulu
mana blh aku nak decide terus
4:04 PM dia kat sbg perdana tu duk dgn sape?

4:06 PM him: duduk ngan kakak dia..

4:08 PM me: nntla aku pikir

4:09 PM him: tempoh seminggu untuk ko berfikir
hahahaha

me: yelah


i'm still exhausted from all the laughing...

The Good Boy – The One With The Bloody Hockey Game

The boy stood there watching in admiration as his brother hit the hockey ball hard with all his might so it will go through the row of small but thick plants. Every time his brother, angah, swung the hockey stick, without fail the ball flew through the plants, hitting the wall and making loud thumping sound. The boy was impressed and without realising it, he moved closer and closer to angah. With each swing he took a step forward and inevitably, as angah swung, the follow through caught him right at the chin.

Blood spilled over before the crying and scream of pain filled the air of panic. Angah’s face turned white looking at the boy frantically covering his mouth with both hands while pressing hard at the chin, as if he was afraid his chin would fell off. Blood started to drip through the little boy’s hands, making both of them even more panic. The boy's crying got louder.

Hurriedly angah ushered the boy inside to the bathroom. He then shouted a few panicky unstructured words and the boy, scared and in pain, somehow managed to make out what angah was saying.

“Please, stop crying. Mak is sleeping, she will wake up angry if you don’t stop crying. Stop covering your mouth, spit the blood out and gargle with this water. Please stop crying.”

The boy, still scared and in pain, can’t believe what he was seeing. Angah was on the brink of tears. Never had he seen angah as scared as that. He saw the horror in angah’s eyes, horror at the sight of his bleeding mouth and at the thought of mum waking up angry. Both of them knew what will happen if she found out.

The boy decided that he needs to stop crying. He doesn’t want to make angah cried & scared and he doesn’t want to wake mum up. So he tried to stop. He can’t. He was just too scared and the pain was too much. He tried again, still can’t. He looked up and he can still see the fear in angah’s eyes. He has to stop!

Miraculously, he managed to. Even more amazingly, he managed a smile!

“I was just playing around! It doesn’t hurt that much at all. I was just playing you. Gotcha!”

Angah look confused. He looked straight at the boy’s eyes, looking for confirmation of what he heard just now.

The boy said, “See, it’s nothing. Look!”

The boy opened up his mouth as wide as he can. Angah looked inside as if he was a doctor examining his patient. Everything seemed to be intact, no tooth fell off. A sigh of relief escaped angah’s mouth. A look of relief, and then a smile. Rubbing the top of the boy’s head he said, “What a strong brave boy you are.”

They looked at each other and smile.

But it was too late.

Mum woke up, furious, came storming to the bathroom and yelled, “What in the world is happening? What happened to you?”

The boy shocked and scared, feet trembling, answered, “I fell.”

The mum went berserk. Dragging the boy to her room, reaching for the rattan at the door, she yelled at the boy.

“Didn’t I tell you not to go play outside? Didn’t I tell you not to run and jump around? Why are you so stubborn? Now look what happened. That’s what you get for not listening to me! All I need is a little bit of rest but you just have to ruin it for me. I’m tired working all day, don’t you realise that? All I need is just a few minutes of rest! Why can’t you be a good boy for once and listen to me?!”

With that she started whipping the rattan at the boy’s feet again and again and again. The boy cried, pleading to mum to stop. Angah tried to explain what really had happened but mum just won’t listen. She was too angry to listen.

It went on for what seemed an eternity to both the boy and angah before luckily dad came home. Angah explained what had happened quickly and the dad went straight to the room, dragged the boy away from mum while telling mum to stop. After a few exchanged of angry words between mum and dad, the dad took the boy, now crying even harder, to the hospital where the boy got god knows how many stitches!

What a good boy indeed….

Stripping Me

I’m free falling.

I used to be this innocent naïve guy who viewed the world as all nice, dandy & beautiful. When I saw and heard of bad things, I feel that it was extremely unlucky for whoever the bad things fall upon, I feel it was a one in a million thing and bad things only happen to bad people. And bad things will never ever happen to me.

Now, I have change. Things happened to me, awful things. I may still be naïve, but I’m certainly not innocent anymore. I don’t see the world as all nice, dandy & beautiful any longer. When bad things happened, I will say shit happens. Bad things happened to everyone all the time. You can do all the good that you want but you will still be cursed.

Some people may see that as being realistic. Being realistic is not that bad, isn’t it? Yes, it’s not a bad thing on its own but when you use it to gain sympathy or to get attention for yourself, it becomes dangerous. And I fear that I’m doing it now, using my tragedies to take advantage of people. Most people still see me as an innocent & naïve guy who made mistakes, and I’m using that to benefits me.

The things I swore I will never do are now somewhat part of the norm to me. I swore I will never play with hearts but I think I did that. I manipulate. I acted like I’m a caring sort of guy who is just there to help, to make sure others won't make the same mistakes as mine. In truth, I probably am just going for what I want, my own agenda. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not doing all this purposely. I’m saying I might do all this without knowing or realising it. But that doesn’t make it ok. The most terrible and dangerous thing is to be evil without even realising it. I genuinely believe that Hitler did all the inhumane thing to the Jews while thinking he was doing the world a favour. That doesn’t make him less evil now does it?

One of my favorite topics to talk about is on hypocrites. I will tell people I’m the biggest hypocrite alive and I will make it sound like I was dead serious. Of course then they will think that no hypocrites will admit that they are. It’s the reverse psychology, just to confuse people up. They will first think I’m serious because I will say it seriously, but after a while they will conclude that I’m not. And again I’m not doing this purposely. When I say those words, that I’m a hypocrite, I will feel that I’m warning them about me. But deep inside I know the real reason. I’m just manipulating, to get people trust.

I’m an angry person. But I don’t lash my anger out to everyone. My colleagues, they see me as a nice, quiet and patient guy who is harmless and mean no harm to anyone. And yes, that is how I am at work but not because that’s who I really am. I just don’t feel comfortable with people I’m not close to. To the people I’m close to however, I will have no qualms in showing my anger to them. The more comfortable I feel with them, the more of the real me will surface. I hurt the ones who I ironically care about the most.

Like I said, the things that I swore to never do is now fairly the norm to me. I’ve become this horrible monster that I’m afraid to admit. Once I told a friend if it gets out of control, just kill me. It’s certainly getting out of control now.

I have change a lot, and I don’t like what I have become.

Play Act

I like to play act. When I was a little boy my Alang used to say that I was arrogant. I bragged about things I know to her, acted like I’m the smartest know-it-all boy in the world. I will tell her that I’m the best in everything and I used to tell her I can get whatever I ask for from anyone because everyone loves me so much. “Apa yang adik mintak, semuanya adik dapat. Setakat ni kereta control je yang adik mintak tapi tak dapat!” That was how I used to say it. Cruel isn’t it, especially when there was some truth in it.

Actually I was that way with all of my siblings but my Along & Angah just dismissed me as being silly and cute every time I acted up because them being older certainly makes me a harmless none-threatening little boy. On the other hand, it was different with my Alang. She is just 3 years older than me, we were the youngest so we competed in everything. I think she grew up hating me.

However, as the years gone by even she can accept the fact that I was just playing around. I guess as she got wiser with age, she can clearly see the real me, scared, hopeless & insecure person.

My play acting hasn’t stop with the time though. I still do it a lot with my siblings, and now I’m doing it with the friends I feel most comfortable with as well. Not the wisest thing to do, I got into trouble a few times because of it. My family knows how to handle me when I’m acting up, they simply ignore me. But not all of my friends know and realise this. Some of them will feel I’m just being an ass and a jerk, and a sad show off. They will take offence, retaliate and react in a way that will make me sad. The will see me as an annoyance.

I can’t blame them really. I can’t expect them to know the real me, to look pass my play act. I may feel comfortable with them, feel really close but in reality they might not feel the same way. I have very few close friends and only one of them know the real me. Only one of them when I’m acting silly will actually strike back with brilliant banters, or simply ignores me.

Why am I writing about this? Well I recently lost a friend because of my stupid play acting. My play acting was not the only reason of course, but it was one of the reasons. So seriously, I need to watch it. I need to cut it down or I will end up being a friendless jerk who annoys strangers. That is a real possibility.

Balancing Act

GUP is having an event next week. After 6 months in hibernation, we finally got our heads out from our arses. Can you believe that our last event was back in February?!

Because of the event I have been a little bit busy with the preparation and understandably I was a bit rusty when I started working on it. So I need to give it more focus just to get the feel back and recall what ever I know on my work. That’s why I wasn’t able to blog everyday. I didn’t miss that much anyway, just three days without any new posting.

Work is one of the reasons that i didn't blog, another reason is I’m quite ‘happy’ right now. I think I need to be depressed to get ideas. It is a lot easier to get the feelings out when I’m down. Why am I happy? As I said in ‘Time Cycle’, I’m better at adjusting and accepting things. I’m contented. And also a large part of me being quite happy is down to the ‘Pretty Sun’. So thank you. I will try my best to keep the promises I’ve made. I’m keeping my feet firmly on the ground though, as I have discovered before how quick things can change. And the signs are already there.

One more thing, football is starting next weekend. Can hardly wait for it. I’ve been following Liverpool’s friendly matches and I like what I’ve seen. The new signings looked really great but what impressed me the most were the kids. They are so going to rock the league this season.

I have also managed to do something that I have been putting off for a few months, getting new tyres for Bruce. Thanks to my friend who tagged along to Klang to get the new tyres. His expert advice helped a great deal. I would have been so hopeless on my own. The bonus is the cost was way below than what I’ve put aside. So now I need to think about what I’m going to do with the extras I have. Hmm, what a great problem to have. Woohoo!

Back to things at work, it is amazing the way I’m happy when I actually have things to do. I’m the laziest of lazy, but even I can’t stand the state that GUP’s in. So this event is very welcome, even though it meant I couldn’t play mobwar as much as I would have like. I like my job but GUP almost made me gave up. Hopefully this will kick start a new beginning for GUP and things will pick up from now on. Please pray the coming event will go well.

Ok I better go to bed now, tomorrow morning is my niece’s sports day. I do not want to miss that. Maybe I will blog about it tomorrow.

The Summer of Secrets

My Along recently stole* a few new books so now I have a queue of books waiting for me to read. I’m quite excited about all those books because my interest in reading is back, maybe it’s because at the moment I can’t stop writing so in a way that re-ignite my reading habit.

Out of those books, there were two that really caught my eyes. One of them was ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’ by Khaled Hosseini who previously wrote ‘The Kite Runner’. I haven’t read ‘The Kite Runner’ but heard good things about it so naturally it made me want to read ‘A Thousands Splendid Sun’. But I said there were two books, the other one was ‘The Summer of Secrets’, and I chose to read that first despite not knowing anything about the author.

‘The Summer of Secrets’, by Martina Reily, with a pleasing cover just seemed to be the lighter readings out of those two, that’s why I decided to read it first. It told the story of three friends, Hope, Julie & Adam, who live in London and how turn of events led them to a holiday at Hope’s hometown in Ireland, a place called Dunport. There, their friendship got closer than ever as they revealed their secrets to each other. The story was told from Hope’s point of view, her traumas, her problematic relationship with her mum and her dark past, and that somehow brought the best out of her friends.

What I like about the book is as usual the light, easy language used. That is most important to me. If I found the words ‘thee’ & ‘thy’ in the book I’m reading, I will throw it away.

The author also injects a lot of humour and clever dialogs & banters all through out. I laughed a lot reading this book, from the start right to the end because the jokes and banters were fresh and original. Also the characters were realistic, and I can relate to them, especially Adam and Logan (another main character in the book).

My favourite part of the book was when the three of them went to have lunch with the much feared, Julie’s Dad. It was hilarious with Adam had to put on his brave face and thick skin just to try to actually be part of the lunch itself.

And I like the ending part of the book where Hope had to do the things she meant to do. Clearly the author put plenty of effort in there and she did it really, really well. I have a feeling that she actually wrote the ending first before writing the rest of the book. This is one of those books where the ending was predictable and clear from the very start, so that just make the work harder for the author. But like I said she did it well and surely many readers will cry at the ending.

I’m definitely recommending this book to everyone. Go and read it!

* Yes, my along steals books! It’s her bad habit. She makes lots of money but still steals. Don’t ask me, I can’t understand it as well!

About Polygamy

The cliché:
Men’s view – polygamy is good, following the great Prophet Muhammad.
Women’s view – say what you want, I ain’t sharing!

Those are the normal responds you get when you talk about the ever sensitive but fun topic, polygamy. Depending on who you talked to, you can get out from it with a big slap on the face or with a big roaring laughter.

However, last night was different. Last night the table turned.

The girl said polygamy is not that bad while the guy said polygamy is not that simple. What has the world turned into?

I met a friend last night and somehow during our teh tarik session, we talked about it. She told me that growing up in the middle of ‘polygamy-tolerant’ family made her think about this topic since way back.

“It is the absolute right of a guy to marry more than one. Nothing a wife can do if the husband decides to take another wife. I can’t understand it when the wife starts ‘acting up’ because the husband married another or going to. Wouldn’t that just push her husband further away? What she should do is try to win her husband back, think about what is missing and try to fix it.”

That’s what she said to me while I was smiling and looking straight at her, trying to look for any trace of sarcasm. There was none. She was dead serious!

She continued by saying rather than the husband continues living in a sin, the wife should just let him take another wife. She also said second wives should know their place. Although they have the right to equal treatments, they can’t demand too much because they are the second wife.

Just imagine me sitting there listening to her views on the topic. If someone told me that she had said that, I would not have believed it. But she said it straight to me and like I said there was absolutely no sign of sarcasm.

They do exist, the pro- polygamy women exist! They are not a myth! What I felt last night must have been the same with what the guy who took that famous photo of bigfoot felt!

I pushed my luck and asked her since she said it’s ok for a guy to have more than one wife, is it ok for a guy to have more than one girlfriend? She smiled before telling me if the guy can handle the responsibilities and the headaches, then go ahead!!!

In case you guys out there want to get to know this lovely ‘pro-polygamy’ girl, just give me a buzz and I’ll hook you up ;)

I'm Talking To You!

Hey you, do you know how it feels?
I've put my efforts in, may not be enough you
but I’ve tried nonetheless
It’s all good that you’re doing it for yourself
but how about me?

Hey you, don’t you dare me!
I may be a breeze on the surface
but underneath this breeze will spread the fire
Better quit pushing your luck
the heat will be too much for you to handle.

Hey you, I don’t need your sympathy!
Stop feeling sorry for me
I’m not some little project you take on
to make you feel good about yourself
I’m not your charity case.

Hey you,
Stop hurting me!

Stop blaming your grief!
Stop using your mess as your shield!
Come out & come clean!

Baby Talk

Two of my close friends were recently blessed with having a child (each, they are not married to each other. Ishh!). Congratulation, I feel happy for them. One had a boy and one had a girl. And they are living in the same area. Hmm, what are the chances for the two juniors to be an item in 15 years? That would be cool, I think. But 15 years is a long time. Plenty can happen so lets not talk about it just yet.
Lets talk about now.

Now, they are both incredibly happy. Now, they are an ‘abah’ (I think) & a ‘mummy’ (again, if I’m not mistaken). Now, they have their own family. Now, their life has that extra purpose and meaning. When we look at life being successful or the opposite, we first look to the family and no doubt right now they are on top of the world.

Now, lets look at me.

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As you can see, there is nothing.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m writing this not to complain about being single, alone or lonely. It’s just that I’m puzzled about how I feel on this baby business. When I heard the news about the babies, I was happy. I smiled, I laughed, but then immediately I thought of all the things they have to go through taking care of the juniors. And I said to myself, “Phew lucky me, I don’t have to go through all that.”

Is there something wrong with me?!

I’m 29, I should be having the desire to start a family, right? Why am I still thinking like I’m 21?

Ok, maybe I’m getting way ahead of myself here. Lets dump the baby talk. Lets talk about something more realistic. A girlfriend. Hmm, that’s not so far fetch does it? Well I once joked with a friend, asking him to find me a girl. I told him, “I want a girl that stays in Subang/PJ area, originated from KL/Selangor, an only child and has big eyes (the big eyes got nothing to do with the point I’m making, it’s just a personal preference. So take note all you big eyes girls!).

I may have been joking but I would like all of those things for real. Staying in Subang/PJ so I don’t have to trouble myself to see her. Originated from KL/Selangor so I don’t have to trouble myself with her family matters. An only child so I don’t have to trouble myself to be friends with her siblings. Do you see the pattern there? ‘So I don’t have to trouble myself.’ Sigh. That’s how my mind thinks. I want everything served to me on a silver platter.

When will I ever grow up, I’ll be 30 next year!

Someone told me I’m feeling all that because I haven’t found ‘The One’ yet. Once I have, my perspective will change. My priorities will change. So I have nothing to worry about. What I’m feeling now is normal.

Hmm, thank you for trying to make me feel better but I don’t think so. I know me. What I need right now is to grow up. No two ways about it!

A Plea To Self

The anger I have inside is getting ridiculous. Slowly it’s killing me. It’s killing the people around me. I need to get rid of it but I don’t know how.

The longer I keep it inside the worst it will get. I’m fully aware of that. Then why is it still there? Why can’t I free myself from it? I have tried all I can. This is not because of other people anymore. This is all me. I’m holding up my hands. I admit the problem is me. I can’t take it any longer.

They say admitting it is the first step. Now what? Confront it? Confront what? Who? What is the cause of my anger? I honestly do not know.

One day I will have to pay for all this. One day the consequences will get to me. By that time it might be too late. By that time maybe regretting is all I can do but it wont be of any good. Regrets wont turn back time. I need to do something now.

My anger is affecting me personally, my family. It’s affecting my work, my friends. It’s affecting everything that I care about. I can’t let this to continue. I have to put a stop to it.

If I’m really honest with myself I know what I have to do. But why am I not doing it? Have I strayed too far until I can’t see the path anymore? Maybe what I need are tragedies. Tragedies all the time. Maybe only then I will find my way back.

If that’s really what I need then be it. I deserve it.

A Summer To Die

I like reading but I’m not a big fan of books. I mean I enjoy reading and often just like everyone else, when I read a good book I will tend to forget the world around me. It’s just that I hardly ever buy any books. The books I read were always someone else’s and I don’t spend time at bookstore or surfing the net to look for the latest bestseller. People will recommend and lend their books to me (or buy it for me) and if I’m in the mood I will read it.

Everybody seems to have their favorite books, and they like to tell people about them. Well I’m going to jump on the bandwagon now. So here it comes, my first official book review on the record.

One of the first books that really stick to my mind was ‘A Summer To Die’, by Lois Lowry. That was the first book that she wrote. I didn’t know who she was then, it was the cover of the book that made me want to read it. Don’t know why, but the blurry drawing looked interesting to me.

Apparently Lois Lowry is a famous children/young adults book writer. One of her books, ‘The Giver’ won an award that I can’t be bothered to look up for in the net right now. That book was for some reason banned from some school. Why? Look it up yourself!

Back to “A Summer To Die”. It was about 2 sisters, Meg & Molly who differs in everything; the way they look, the way they look at things and the way people look at them. It’s hard enough for them to move to a new place, going to new school, meeting new people but for them to have their love hate relationship just made it more interesting.

What do I like about ‘A Summer To Die’?

The book can make you laugh and cry at the same time and I mean it literally (I didn’t cry though). With things happening to their life, Meg, the younger of the sisters was forced to mature up quicker then she should and Molly was forced to let go of the life that she dreamt of. The story is told from Meg point of view, her childish but intelligent mind was the focus of the story. The language was simple, the story fast flowing and cleverly written with light sense of humor all through out.

The beginning of the book caught my attention immediately. The book started with Meg watching in shock as Molly drew up a line with a chalk, wall to wall, separating the bedroom they share. “Now you can be as much of a slob you want on your side of the room,” said Molly (or something like that).

My favorite part of the book is when Meg woke up in the middle of the night, sensing something terrible was happening. I remembered being scared reading it.
Another one is ‘the eating peas’ scene. When Meg suddenly burst into tears I almost cried (again, I didn’t).

So go and look for this book. Entertaining light reading and yet it will make you change the views you have on some of the things in your life.

Pity I lost this book, I would have read it for the umpteenth times right now…

Come To Me

Don’t try to run
I won’t chase after you
Don’t play the waiting game
I won’t go to you

Here I am as I am
building the courage will take forever
There you are as you are
already the empress of my essence

Every drop of your tears
every second of your grief
my heart will share the anguish

Every bit of your laughter
every heartbeat of your rapture
my heart will be brimming with joy

No promise of the world
as my arms are not strong enough
All the promises for ever after
as my intention is true and pure

But don’t try to run
I won’t scour after you
And don’t play the waiting game
I won’t be soon

Come look for me with your heart
As with your heart you’ll feel my entity