Oh Yes!

Oh yes it is wonderful!
Oh yes it is beautiful!
Rainbows, roses, candies
Everything's absolutely dandy.

Of course it is bumpy!
Of course it is tricky!
All part of a greater plan
To get to ever after in the end.

Oh sure it is true
They said it, it must be true!
Oh sure quit worrying
Feel the love and you’ll be laughing!

Oh yes!
Oh sure!

Snap!
...oh crap!

White Flag 2

Uncertainties, life is full of those, isn’t it? We can plan everything right to the last details but in the end, more often than not, nothing goes to plan. Things will end differently, better or worse, they will be different.

Life, it is all about the uncertainties. I admit to that. Life is about taking the uncertainties as a challenge. I bow to that. Life is all about the sweat and the tears, along with the laughter. I applaud that. Life is all about the struggles, the comebacks, the strives. I understand that. Uncertainties are just a norm in life. I know that.

But not my life. No more uncertainties. I know where I’m heading and I don’t like it.

I had dreams not so long ago about how my life would be. Right now I only have nightmares. No, ‘nightmares’ is not the right word. Nightmares aren’t real. Nightmares are not based on real world. What I have now are pointy clues, based on facts, calculated with logic. And the facts are not good. The logic is not flattering.

Quite ironic really, I’ve spent a big chunk of my life being depressed because of the uncertainties, but right now it is the certainty that is killing me.

I’ve been told that I’m too negative, that I tend to over analysed. ‘Stop thinking too much’ & ‘stop being a miserable pessimist’. If I had a penny every time I heard that….

Those lips telling me I’m too negative, they know nothing about me, or they are just quite plainly wearing rose tinted glasses. If only they take the glasses off, they would see what I’m seeing. They would know the only reason I’m still here is because I’m too scared to take the other option. And they would see my future and they will never utter those words to me again.

Uncertainties used to scare me, now it is the certainty that is killing me. And finding the way out from something so certain is impossible.

Take the glasses off and you will see.




**DISCLAIMER - THIS ENTRY HAS NO CONNECTION WHATSOEVER TO ANYONE, DEAD OR ALIVE**

FAO Angel

I hear whispers, on every glorious morning
Like a promise in the book
In each and every tick of the clock
The rain is ready to wet the parade
No matter how bright the day I open my eyes to
Even with your sweet lips smiling
I will soon see it upside down

I don’t know how it started
Don’t know how it got so twisted
But I do know though clouded, it is real
Like a reflection on water, it is real
One day the questions will need answering
No more vague words, no more deceptive rhymes
Just cold hard facts stripped of excuses

Angel beware
Some sins just cannot be erased
Some dirt just won’t be scrubbed off
Some bend just cannot be straightened
Angel beware
This journey will go round and round
To the damned doom

Angle leave
For I have fallen in love with you

Random Thoughts 6 - Raya Edition

Raya! Woohoo!! Really? Woohoo?
If I have to describe how my Raya holiday is so far, I would say it is blissful. Not happy, not joyfull, but blissful. I’m happy that I get to spend time with my niece and nephew, especially now that I don’t get to see them as much as before. I’m happy that I get to spend a few days at the place where I grew up (well close to it anyway). I’m happy that I have a reason to eat lemang as much as I want. And I’m especially happy that I get to stay away from work, or should I say office, for 12 days. And that’s the problem. 12 days. How can 12 days be enough when what I really want is forever? So amidst the Raya mood that I’m feeling right now, there is a tiny bit of restlessness in knowing that with every second I’m enjoying myself, I’m getting a second closer to work. And I hate that, so I’m trying hard to ignore it. I’m trying hard to be blissful.


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So what is the best way to spend your first night of Raya? Watch football of course! Football, football and football. Well that was what I thought anyway, until a certain Michael Owen ruined it for me. He scored the winner to give his new ‘beloved’ team a priceless win against their local rival. When Owen came on as a sub late in the game, there was a voice inside me that said ‘Oh I bet my bottom ringgit that he is going to score the winner here’. Worse, there was a stupid part of me that actually WANTED Owen to score the winner because believe it or not I still want to see him do well. And you know what? He did. I just cannot believe it. Not so much that he scored, because I know very well what he can do, but I can’t believe I still want him to do well after everything that has happened. After everything that he did. I’m a big idiot!
I guess this is how it will always be, the mix feeling I will have every time I watch him play. And that sucks!


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Speed trap! I hate speed trap! I just got two summonses for speeding. RM600 to be thrown away just because I drove a little bit faster than the limit. In one of the areas that I got the summonses from, 90km/h is the speed limit. 90km/h! That is just painful. They might as well ask drivers to stop driving and push their cars instead. I mean c’mon, even 110 is too slow for me. We are talking about highways here not kampung roads that are full of potholes and cows crossing all the time. On my way to Seremban for my Raya holiday, I got no choice but to drive within the limit set because of the strict ‘Ops Sikap’ that they enforced on every holiday season. And my God it was a painful, boring drive.
I admit our accident rate is atrocious, but to blame it on speeding is just wrong. It’s the attitude of the drivers, not the speed that is causing all the accidents. I really hope they will revise the speed limit and I think 130 is ideal. There were talks about increasing the speed limit not so long ago but all we got is reduced speed limit during holiday seasons. What happened?
RM600, I could get a decent mattress for that much. Whatever, I ain’t paying!


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I’m resigned to the fact that for me to have a chance to quit smoking, I will have to fast a whole year long. I was totally fine without cigarettes during the just finished puasa month (during the day that is), but as soon as it ended my smoking habit shot back to normal. Why? I just don’t get it. This happens every year.
I guess it makes sense though. I’m so lacking will power, I need someone or something to always ‘govern’ me in everything. I’m so weak and lack discipline. So the same goes with smoking. I know I can’t smoke during the day in puasa month so I don’t entertain the thought of smoking at all. Now that I can smoke, all I can think about is smoking. I am so weak!


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I’m watching the movie Hancock while I’m writing this ‘Random Thoughts’, and I just have to say that Charlize Theron is pushing every pleasure button that I have in me. Like seriously, she is so yummy I feel like m……..
Ergh, dang! The satans are unchained!

Going Away To College

Please take me by the hand
It's so cold out tonight
I'll put blankets on the bed
I won't turn out the light
Just don't forget to think about me
And I won't forget you
I'll write you once a week she said

Why does it feel the same
To fall in love or break it off
And if young love is just a game
Then I must have missed the kick off
Don't depend on me to ever follow through on anything
But I'd go through hell for you and

I haven't been this scared in a long time
And I'm so unprepared so here's your valentine
Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody
This world's an ugly place, but you're so beautiful to me

I'll think about the times
She kissed me after class
And she put up with my friends
I acted like an ass
I'd ditch my lecture to watch the girls play soccer
Is my picture still hanging in her locker?

I haven't been this scared in a long time
And I'm so unprepared so here's your valentine
Bouquet of clumsy words, a simple melody
This world's an ugly place, but you're so beautiful to me

Blink 182
Enema Of The State