Dec 21, 2010

Garbage

Posted by The Good Boy at 5:46 PM 0 comments
Now where do I start?

How about this; I hate myself.

That says it all right there. If I stop right there, right after ‘I hate myself’, it will still be enough to show how I’m feeling right now. I’m not feeling good. I’m feeling terrible. I feel shit actually. Things have been happening for the past week, with today the worst of it all. Today better be the peak because I don’t know if I can handle anything worse.

The thing is, this shitty feeling I’m feeling now comes from the disappointment of not being able to handle even the slightest of mishap. That’s why I hate myself. Just barely a month ago I feel like I’m on top of the world with everything going great. Like everything is in order, going the right way. Now I feel everything is falling apart. You see how stupid that is? The only place I belong to is inside a cotton wool wrapper.

Just a month ago I feel like I have completely ‘healed’, 100%. But I was mistaken. I wasn’t ‘healed’. How can you heal from something that you are? This is just me. I thought I changed because of the things that happened to me a few years back. When I really think about it though, nothing changed me. Nothing changed me into something that I thought I could heal from. This is just me. Right from the start of the time, this is me. The real me. Sometimes I managed to disguise the real me really good, even from myself. Right now though, stripped to the bone, it is becoming clear to me that how I am right at this moment is the real me. I didn’t change a few years back. I have always been like how I am now.

Realising that makes me hates myself. And if I fail to love myself, how can I love anyone else?

Dec 2, 2010

The Good Boy

Posted by The Good Boy at 4:01 PM 1 comments
I have come to the conclusion that men are a far more superior being compared to women. It’s a proven fact, both scientifically and theologically. There is absolutely no denying that. Since the beginning of time this fact has been proven. The cavemen knew this, the Jahiliah knew this, the Dark Ages knew this. However, somehow, we the modern day men managed to forget about this.

The cavemen treated their women like possessions; familiar with comic strip of a caveman dragging his woman around by the hair? That is brilliant. Straight to the point, put women to their rightful place. Shame we fail to continue that. The Jahiliah, well, they simply tried to get rid of women by killing baby girls, or keep women to the absolute minimum, for entertainment purposes and also to bear their child only. However Islam came and rightfully put an end to it. The dark ages were the same and the emergence of the ridiculous chivalry concept changed everything. The only good thing about the chivalry was that it stopped the killing, that’s it. Women do not deserve any form of chivalry at all beyond that and should…

Sigh. I love writing. The problem is I’m too lazy I can’t seem to find anything worthy to write about. So I came out with stuff like above. It is entertaining to me. I've written loads like that, maybe one day I'll compile them all and publish it in this blog. It will be under ‘I couldn’t care less’ tag, the stuff where I write whatever I have in mind without sugar coating it or without thinking about the repercussion that could come from it. That would be fun, wouldn’t it? And I will put a disclaimer, “I may or may not mean what I write here”, just so no one could use it against me.

Anyway, like I said I love writing. If only I had more drive in me I’d probably be writing seriously right now. If a guy who tweets about his 70 year old dad ramblings can have a New York Times best seller and a sitcom under his belt, I like to think I’m in with a good chance as well.

But I’m still here in this blog, writing about nothing with hardly any readers at all. Don’t worry, I’m fine with it. The reason I started this blog was so I can channel out whatever I feel inside. I’m a very private guy, I don’t really let my feelings out even to the people dearest to me. This blog is my ‘wall punching’, my ‘covering face with pillow and yell your heart out’ thing. It has served me pretty well so far.

I do feel proud of this blog. Looking back and reading back from the very first entry on here, I think I’ve done a good job 'recording' my life journey so far. There are entries that I’m really proud of, that put a smile on my face reminiscing. There are entries that bring tears to my eyes and there are also entries that make me cringe. Can’t believe it has only been three and a half years since I started it. The things I wrote in here are like a very distant memory, things that happened to me a long, long time ago. To that, I’m thankful.

I can’t say I have changed much, but I have changed. Things around me have changed. People around me have changed. The way I see things definitely changed. The most important thing that I have realized is people are idiots. Right left centre you have idiots coming at you from every direction. People who play the victim cards are the biggest idiot, and the most dangerous. The most selfish people are the people who appeared as the most unselfish at first. In short, people are hypocrites, even the nicest of people. And I think in my own way, I’ve learned how to deal with them a lot better.

I’m still not where I’m supposed to and want myself to be. However now I see that as a good thing because I feel only corpses should be where they are supposed to be. Very few things should be where they are supposed to be.

I will keep using this blog to pour out what I feel inside. The entries will be a lot less frequent and far in between but I don't think I will ever abandon it. This blog is something that is precious to me and I hold it very dearly.

Here's to another three and a half years of The Good Boy...

Nov 8, 2010

Overflowing

Posted by The Good Boy at 3:27 PM 0 comments
Perplexed
Sometimes that is how I feel
With all the sugary in front of you
You choose me instead

Overwhelming
Never have I dared to dream
Nor have I dared to wish for all this
I’m loving this feeling

To think that all this are for real
With you, I surrender myself
My love, my heart, my soul
My life, everything is for you

With you, my fears disappear
With you, the mountains are just a climb up
Even the dampening rain brings warmth
With you, I see roses without thorns

I’m committed
For life..

Oct 6, 2010

Dear Mr Hicks

Posted by The Good Boy at 9:05 AM 0 comments


continue

Oct 1, 2010

Not Afraid

Posted by The Good Boy at 2:53 PM 0 comments


I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

Yeah, It's been a ride...
I guess I had to go to that place to get to this one
Now some of you might still be in that place
If you're trying to get out, just follow me
I'll get you there

You can try and read my lyrics off of this paper before I lay 'em
But you won't take this thing out these words before I say 'em
Cause ain't no way I'm let you stop me from causing mayhem
When I say 'em or do something I do it, I don't give a damn
What you think, I'm doing this for me, so fuck the world
Feed it beans, it's gassed up, if a thing's stopping me
I'mma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I'm tearing down your balcony
No if ands or buts don't try to ask him why or how can he
From Infinite down to the last Relapse album he's still shit'n
Whether he's on salary, paid hourly
Until he bows out or he shit's his bowels out of him
Whichever comes first, for better or worse
He's married to the game, like a fuck you for christmas
His gift is a curse, forget the earth he's got the urge
To pull his dick from the dirt and fuck the universe

I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

Ok quit playin' with the scissors and shit, and cut the crap
I shouldn't have to rhyme these words in the rhythm for you to know it's a rap
You said you was king, you lied through your teeth
For that fuck your feelings, instead of getting crowned you're getting capped
And to the fans, I'll never let you down again, I'm back
I promise to never go back on that promise, in fact
Let's be honest, that last Relapse CD was "ehhhh"
Perhaps I ran them accents into the ground

Relax, I ain't going back to that now
All I'm tryna say is get back, click-clack BLAOW
Cause I ain't playin' around
There's a game called circle and I don't know how
I'm way too up to back down
But I think I'm still tryna figure this crap out
Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn't
This fucking black cloud still follow's me around
But it's time to exercise these demons
These motherfuckers are doing jumping jacks now!

I'm not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel that you've been down the same road

And I just can't keep living this way
So starting today, I'm breaking out of this cage
I'm standing up, Imma face my demons
I'm manning up, Imma hold my ground
I've had enough, now I'm so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now

It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me
Admittedly I probably did it subliminally for you
So I could come back a brand new me, you helped see me through
And don't even realise what you did, believe me you
I been through the ringer, but they can do little to the middle finger
I think I got a tear in my eye, I feel like the king of
My world, haters can make like bees with no stingers, and drop dead
No more beef flingers, no more drama from now on, I promise
To focus soley on handling my responsibility's as a father
So I solemnly swear to always treat this roof like my daughters and raise it
You couldn't lift a single shingle on it
Cause the way I feel, I'm strong enough to go to the club
Or the corner pub and lift the whole liquor counter up
Cause I'm raising the bar, I shoot for the moon
But I'm too busy gazing at stars, I feel amazing and

Eminem, Recovery
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The Good Boy Copyright 2009