Injustice - A Smoker's View

I heard from a very good source of mine (if I told you who I will have to kill you!) that the price of cigarettes will go up soon, AGAIN!

“What the hell??! Are you kidding me?!” was my reaction when I was told about it. Where is the justice in that? Think about it for a second. This is ridiculous!

We smokers are the most unfortunate group of people in the country. Our basic human rights are constantly being violated and yet no one is willing to stand up for us, no politician willing to protect us. It's unbelievable!

We can’t smoke in public places, we have posters everywhere plainly ridiculing us, the media only have bad things to say about us and cigarette companies are not even allowed to have any marketing campaign for their product. Remember about Dunhill being forced to drop their sponsorship for our football league? What was that all about? Now they can’t even sell small pack cigarettes anymore. Not all smokers can afford to buy large pack of cigarettes every time you know.

When the price of flour went up by 20 cents the uproars were unbelievable. NGO groups made loud noise about it. Every activist spoke up against it. All of them seemed willing to die fighting against the 20 cents hike. 20 CENTS! Come on, the level of cigarettes price hike is a lot worse, it’s on par with the petrol price hike. Why are we not doing anything about it? Are we all blind?

When the cigarette price went up by 80 cents last year, not only no one was against it, they were all applauding the hike! Where were the big shot politicians who claimed they care for the community? It is funny when they say “we are just public servants, we are working for the good of our community” because they clearly neglected the needs of smokers, the largest group in our community. Now I don’t have the statistics but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out the fact that we smokers are the majority. No wonder BN lose its 2/3 majority during the last election. It’s simple math really, you neglect the majority and you will lose.

One MP (can’t remember the name) tried to stand up for us, by pleading to the parliament to stop this suppression against smokers. He said the price hike of cigarettes should be stopped. “It’s not fair” he said. Now that guy, he deserved a medal. That’s the kind of guy I would vote for. He should be the prime minister. He cares.

We always talk about discrimination against race, the poor, the weak, the ugly; when are we going to start talking about discrimination against smokers? We are not bad people. It is our individual right in choosing to smoke. We are not giving others a hard time by smoking so why should we be discriminate? Ok I admit, smoking is not the best thing for ones health but it’s the same with fast food, mamak food, junk food etc. Those things kill as many people. Why not put pressure on them? Why picked on us?

So please open up your eyes and your heart. We are not asking for much. We are only asking to be respected and treated equally. Stop the discrimination. We are humans, the same as everyone else. Have a heart, show compassion. Let’s make this country a better place for everyone, including the smokers. Thank you….

Shape Up!

I went jogging last Friday. Before work, I got up early and went jogging. Can you believe that? Normally I’ll get up at 9++ but that day I sacrifice my precious sleep just for that. Me getting up early to go jogging equals to going to the moon for some people.

What made me went jogging? Well I was just looking for a reason to try out my new reebok.

And oh yeah, I’m getting fat. It’s not like how it used to be when I can gain AND lose 3kg in less than a week. Now all the extra, unwanted fat seemed to find its permanent home in my body. Some of my shirts are getting tight at the tummy area. Embarrassing!

Getting fat was one of the reasons I went jogging. The other reason was I’m in a terrible shape right now. I got cramps a lot, lifting not-so-heavy staff will flattened me out. I can’t reach my toes standing up anymore. I used to do 250 push-ups everyday but now I’ll be lucky if I can do 10. It just occurred to me if I’m on a date and someone snatched my date’s bag I won’t even try to run after the snatcher because the chance of me getting back the bag is in the negative.

Sad isn’t it but that is the shape I’m in right now. So I need to do something. Going to the gym is an option but I don’t wanna embarrassed myself in front of other people. With my fitness level, the gym instructor will have to start my fitness programme at the same intensity with an 80 year-old grandma. Pathetic, I’m not even fit to go to the place people go to get fit!

Another thing I can do is quit smoking. That’s so obvious. I’m not the heaviest of smokers but it’s getting worse everyday. Not too long ago, one pack can last for two days, then it changed to one and a half day but now it is a pack a day. I used to proudly tell people who ask me to quit smoking, “I can quit anytime I want but I enjoy smoking and I don’t want to quit, so leave me alone.” How things are different now. Last year’s fasting month was really2 hard because I kept feeling the urge to smoke. The previous years’ I was totally ok so things did change. I ‘need’ to smoke now, not just ‘want’ to smoke.

I know a few people who quit smoking at the snap of their fingers. They have been smoking since they were in their mother’s womb but when they wanted to quit they just did it, as simple as that. That was encouraging but I don’t think I can do that. I’ve tried before to see how long I can go without a smoke and it didn’t go long at all. I think the problem is I enjoy it too much. I smoke when I’m angry, sad, anxious, happy, excited and in all the existing state of emotions known to human. When I’m bored and have nothing to do I’ll smoke. After a meal I just have to smoke. For me having a great meal without smoking afterwards is like watching a good movie without turning on the sound. Impossible!

Maybe I will try one of those quit smoking gadget soon. But 'maybe' is a big word for me. So don’t expect me to do it anytime soon.

Ok I have to go now. I need to smoke!

The Art of ‘Managing Expectation’

I am smart. I have no doubt that is true.

However, I have a very bad case of inferiority complex. Something must have happened to me during my childhood because I practically have zero confidence. I’m also a lazy bum and because of that I just couldn’t care less about doing anything on my inferiority complex. My lack of confidence combined with my laziness equals me right now; quiet, shy, selfish, anti social & difficult to be with. At least that’s what I think people see me as when they meet me the first time.

How do I cope with all that? I mean no matter how bad my ‘tak kisah’ attitude is, I still need to do something with myself. For instance, how do I survive at work? Having no confidence and being lazy cannot be good for your career. I’ve found a simple way to deal with that. It wasn’t easy, as I had to think of a way that will suit my laziness. But as I said I’m smart so of course I managed to figure it out. All I do is lowering people expectation on me.

You know how we guys get a lot of credit for every little thing that we do, right? Husbands especially get it all the time from their wives. Like if we suddenly decided to do the laundry after 6 months of absolutely not touching the washing machine, we will get a statue built for us. If one day we decided to do the dishes, we will get a town named after us. So really it’s the same everywhere, lower others’ expectation and when you suddenly decide to show your true worth everyone will go gaga over you.

So yeah that’s what I do. It’s not the most dignified thing to do but it’s working so who cares. I will tell bad sad story of myself to others to win over their sympathy. I’ll get them to say “You poor thing! Now you just sit back and relax. Don’t you worry about anything because we will take care of everything for you.” So I just sit back and relax and play stupid until when I feel like it, I will show a little bit of my true worth and they will go “wow, you have truly outdone yourself! You deserve a big pat on your back.”

So take note everyone, learn to manage expectation. It is the key to eternal bliss!

Sigh…

Moving On

A friend of mine wrote about her experiences in relationships. I read it with interest and one story in particular really opened up my eyes. It was liberating.

In that story she wrote about how she treated her boyfriend, how she bullied and then dumped him. She explained the reason in doing so and despite the bitterness I have deep inside, I can see it from her point of view (not saying it was ok for her to do it though).

My ex-girlfriend did the same thing to me. I was too preoccupied in making her happy until I neglected my own happiness. I was inexperienced as she was my first love so I guess she took advantage of it, using me to get out from her disastrous relationship at that time (yes you are reading right, I was the third person).

After we broke up, I spent months to get over the failed relationship. Anger, sadness, regret, hatred, you name it I felt it all. Friends helped all they can and slowly I started recovering through many phases, but reading the story helped me in something I can never do before, accepting.

I thought I had it bad, I thought I had it worst. I thought no one ever experienced what I went through. I was wrong. The story wasn’t exactly like mine but I can relate to it. I don’t know how to explain it but reading the story made me realise that what I went through was real and it is over. No more denial. I got played for a fool, for whatever reasons that she had, she played me. No disgrace in admitting that. I am at peace with that now.

I don’t know how long this new liberating feeling will last for me but at least I’m leaping forward with it now. Please pray for me that it will be everlasting.

And to my dear friend who wrote the story, thank you so much. Your writings are truly special. Keep inspiring the way only you can.

Baby darling, this one is for you…

Free yourself from sorrow
Welcome joy with open arms

We always look for something to blame,
And too often we end up blaming ourselves.

The past is meant to be savoured
The present is for us to nurture
Hard as it is, letting go is the best cure
Easy as it is, bitterness will only leave you shattered

In the darkness there is peace, under the ruin there is hope
Look hard enough and you will find dreams in the nightmare

As we move on we have to bring along the lessons,
And leave behind the sadness.
Accept things as they are
Abandon your quest for perfection
Realise it’s acceptance you’re looking for

Free yourself from your sorrow and joy will find you.
Welcome it with open arms

The Wonder of Istanbul – View from the Lucky Hill (part 1)

25 May 2005, a miracle happened.

The greatest reality show that is football produced one of the most unbelievable shows of human strength. Mind over matter, nothing is impossible, it ain’t over until it’s over. Those clichés were proven right when Liverpool came back from 3 goals down at half time to beat AC Milan and win the Champions League, Liverpool’s 5th time as the king of Europe.

I wanted to write something about the incredible match since the final whistle, but being me, here I am writing about it three years later.

Now I’m not going to write a match report as I’m sure a lot of people are tired of reading about it. What I’m going to do is I will try to take you through the roller coaster of emotions that I went through watching it. The match was the most exhausting football I have ever watched and if I remembered correctly, I only get to truly enjoy the triumph days later. I was in a state of disbelieve for days!

On the way to the finale, Liverpool defied the odds by beating the more fancied team in Chelsea and Juventus. The matches against those two teams itself were legendary, and with the highest of high spirit Liverpool went to the finale knowing they had every chance of beating AC Milan, the 2nd most successful team behind Real Madrid in European football.

For me, I was just happy that Liverpool made it to the final. All I hoped for the final was that Liverpool will do themselves proud and not to be humiliated by a team of amazing players that was AC Milan.

AC Milan had Nesta, Cafu, Stam & the evergreen Maldini in their defence. Any of those four players would walk into any side in the world, so to have them together in a team was truly unbelievable.

In midfield they have Pirlo, Gattuso, Seedorf & of course the most coveted Kaka. Kaka is the main player, the playmaker of Zidane type. His brilliance clearly showed in the first half of the miracle game (more on that later).

Then there was the small matter of the two strikers, Crespo & Shevchenko, whose goal to game ratio were just amazing.

Clearly it was an uphill task for Liverpool.

As I said earlier I was just happy that Liverpool made it to the finale. But as the match got closer, the hope I have that Liverpool will win it got bigger and bigger. When the game started, I absolutely believed that Liverpool will be victorious!

So off we go. And off they go too. They scored as early as the fifth minute. And of all the players, it was Maldini that scored the goal. If I’m not mistaken, scoring that goal made him the oldest scorer in Champions League final history. Blerghh, he hardly ever scored before!

I didn’t realize it at that time, but the goal was the sign of things to come.

Surprisingly, I was ‘happy’ when they scored. The thing with Liverpool is, they have this tendency of playing too defensively and worrying too much about what the other team would do. So most of the time the team goes to the field trying to stop the opponent from playing, not to actually play their game. It can be really frustrating sometimes.

So when AC Milan scored early I thought it would be a blessing in disguise. I said to myself, “that’s ok. Conceding early is good for us. Now we have no choice but to go on the attack. Now we can show them what we are capable of.”

Boy, was I wrong!

We did go on the attack immediately, with Riise testing Dida with his trademark thunderous shot. Hyypia also went close to scoring, shooting just over if I remembered correctly. We definitely played well, but Milan were better. They dominated, and the main reason for that were Pirlo & Kaka. Most media in reporting the match seemed to forget about Pirlo. They were only talking about Kaka when in truth, Pirlo was the one who controlled the midfield.

However, they can be forgiven about that because Kaka was simply superb in the first half. He looked dangerous every time he got the ball. His vision, control, passing and movement were too much for Liverpool to handle. A true heir of the great Zidane.

Liverpool managed to hang on until five minutes before halftime. That was when Shevchenko turned provider for Crespo to score the 2nd goal. With that goal, all my hope of winning was gone. That goal was the lowest I felt in the entire game. Watching Milan dominating the first half hurts, but at least I still believed Liverpool can do something and win the game. But the 2nd goal destroyed everything, I practically threw the towel.

Five minutes later just before halftime, a moment of brilliance from Kaka seemed to end the match as a contest. He collected the ball just inside the centre circle, before turning expertly with skill & grace, and with that turn he left Gerrard for dead! Kaka then took a few steps forward, looked up and saw Crespo making a good run in front of him and instinctively threaded a beautiful measured to perfection pass for Crespo. Carragher who was marking Crespo tried to cut the pass by sliding desperately, but the pass was just too good. Crespo did the rest by coolly chipping the ball over the on-rushing Dudek.

The way Kaka mastermind the 3rd goal epitomized the match up to that point. You see, building up to the match, "Kaka-Gerrard Showdown" dominated the headline. Two of the world’s best player will go head on in the match that will decide the best team in Europe. In the first half of that match, clearly Kaka had the upper hand. By ghosting past Gerrard in that move, Kaka layed down the fact that he won the duel.

At that point I have already accepted the fact that Liverpool wasn’t going to win it and Milan had clearly been the better side. So despite being three goals down at the halftime, I wasn’t felling as disappointed as when they scored the 2nd goal. I remember thinking, “that’s ok boys. Just regroup at halftime, play the best that you can in the 2nd half and at least try to make the score line respectable.” That was all I’m hoping for. Just avoid humiliation.

Allegedly, this was said by Benitez in the dressing room during halftime. “Don't let your heads drop. Every player who goes onto the pitch in the 2nd half will have to hold his head up high. We are Liverpool. Never forget that, you have to hold your heads high for the SUPPORTERS....... You can't call yourself Liverpool players if you don't. If we come out and create chances we can get back into this.... Believe we can do this. Believe we can do it and we will... Give yourself the chance to be a hero!”

to be continued, stay tuned.......