The Art of ‘Managing Expectation’

I am smart. I have no doubt that is true.

However, I have a very bad case of inferiority complex. Something must have happened to me during my childhood because I practically have zero confidence. I’m also a lazy bum and because of that I just couldn’t care less about doing anything on my inferiority complex. My lack of confidence combined with my laziness equals me right now; quiet, shy, selfish, anti social & difficult to be with. At least that’s what I think people see me as when they meet me the first time.

How do I cope with all that? I mean no matter how bad my ‘tak kisah’ attitude is, I still need to do something with myself. For instance, how do I survive at work? Having no confidence and being lazy cannot be good for your career. I’ve found a simple way to deal with that. It wasn’t easy, as I had to think of a way that will suit my laziness. But as I said I’m smart so of course I managed to figure it out. All I do is lowering people expectation on me.

You know how we guys get a lot of credit for every little thing that we do, right? Husbands especially get it all the time from their wives. Like if we suddenly decided to do the laundry after 6 months of absolutely not touching the washing machine, we will get a statue built for us. If one day we decided to do the dishes, we will get a town named after us. So really it’s the same everywhere, lower others’ expectation and when you suddenly decide to show your true worth everyone will go gaga over you.

So yeah that’s what I do. It’s not the most dignified thing to do but it’s working so who cares. I will tell bad sad story of myself to others to win over their sympathy. I’ll get them to say “You poor thing! Now you just sit back and relax. Don’t you worry about anything because we will take care of everything for you.” So I just sit back and relax and play stupid until when I feel like it, I will show a little bit of my true worth and they will go “wow, you have truly outdone yourself! You deserve a big pat on your back.”

So take note everyone, learn to manage expectation. It is the key to eternal bliss!

Sigh…

Moving On

A friend of mine wrote about her experiences in relationships. I read it with interest and one story in particular really opened up my eyes. It was liberating.

In that story she wrote about how she treated her boyfriend, how she bullied and then dumped him. She explained the reason in doing so and despite the bitterness I have deep inside, I can see it from her point of view (not saying it was ok for her to do it though).

My ex-girlfriend did the same thing to me. I was too preoccupied in making her happy until I neglected my own happiness. I was inexperienced as she was my first love so I guess she took advantage of it, using me to get out from her disastrous relationship at that time (yes you are reading right, I was the third person).

After we broke up, I spent months to get over the failed relationship. Anger, sadness, regret, hatred, you name it I felt it all. Friends helped all they can and slowly I started recovering through many phases, but reading the story helped me in something I can never do before, accepting.

I thought I had it bad, I thought I had it worst. I thought no one ever experienced what I went through. I was wrong. The story wasn’t exactly like mine but I can relate to it. I don’t know how to explain it but reading the story made me realise that what I went through was real and it is over. No more denial. I got played for a fool, for whatever reasons that she had, she played me. No disgrace in admitting that. I am at peace with that now.

I don’t know how long this new liberating feeling will last for me but at least I’m leaping forward with it now. Please pray for me that it will be everlasting.

And to my dear friend who wrote the story, thank you so much. Your writings are truly special. Keep inspiring the way only you can.

Baby darling, this one is for you…

Free yourself from sorrow
Welcome joy with open arms

We always look for something to blame,
And too often we end up blaming ourselves.

The past is meant to be savoured
The present is for us to nurture
Hard as it is, letting go is the best cure
Easy as it is, bitterness will only leave you shattered

In the darkness there is peace, under the ruin there is hope
Look hard enough and you will find dreams in the nightmare

As we move on we have to bring along the lessons,
And leave behind the sadness.
Accept things as they are
Abandon your quest for perfection
Realise it’s acceptance you’re looking for

Free yourself from your sorrow and joy will find you.
Welcome it with open arms

The Wonder of Istanbul – View from the Lucky Hill (part 1)

25 May 2005, a miracle happened.

The greatest reality show that is football produced one of the most unbelievable shows of human strength. Mind over matter, nothing is impossible, it ain’t over until it’s over. Those clichés were proven right when Liverpool came back from 3 goals down at half time to beat AC Milan and win the Champions League, Liverpool’s 5th time as the king of Europe.

I wanted to write something about the incredible match since the final whistle, but being me, here I am writing about it three years later.

Now I’m not going to write a match report as I’m sure a lot of people are tired of reading about it. What I’m going to do is I will try to take you through the roller coaster of emotions that I went through watching it. The match was the most exhausting football I have ever watched and if I remembered correctly, I only get to truly enjoy the triumph days later. I was in a state of disbelieve for days!

On the way to the finale, Liverpool defied the odds by beating the more fancied team in Chelsea and Juventus. The matches against those two teams itself were legendary, and with the highest of high spirit Liverpool went to the finale knowing they had every chance of beating AC Milan, the 2nd most successful team behind Real Madrid in European football.

For me, I was just happy that Liverpool made it to the final. All I hoped for the final was that Liverpool will do themselves proud and not to be humiliated by a team of amazing players that was AC Milan.

AC Milan had Nesta, Cafu, Stam & the evergreen Maldini in their defence. Any of those four players would walk into any side in the world, so to have them together in a team was truly unbelievable.

In midfield they have Pirlo, Gattuso, Seedorf & of course the most coveted Kaka. Kaka is the main player, the playmaker of Zidane type. His brilliance clearly showed in the first half of the miracle game (more on that later).

Then there was the small matter of the two strikers, Crespo & Shevchenko, whose goal to game ratio were just amazing.

Clearly it was an uphill task for Liverpool.

As I said earlier I was just happy that Liverpool made it to the finale. But as the match got closer, the hope I have that Liverpool will win it got bigger and bigger. When the game started, I absolutely believed that Liverpool will be victorious!

So off we go. And off they go too. They scored as early as the fifth minute. And of all the players, it was Maldini that scored the goal. If I’m not mistaken, scoring that goal made him the oldest scorer in Champions League final history. Blerghh, he hardly ever scored before!

I didn’t realize it at that time, but the goal was the sign of things to come.

Surprisingly, I was ‘happy’ when they scored. The thing with Liverpool is, they have this tendency of playing too defensively and worrying too much about what the other team would do. So most of the time the team goes to the field trying to stop the opponent from playing, not to actually play their game. It can be really frustrating sometimes.

So when AC Milan scored early I thought it would be a blessing in disguise. I said to myself, “that’s ok. Conceding early is good for us. Now we have no choice but to go on the attack. Now we can show them what we are capable of.”

Boy, was I wrong!

We did go on the attack immediately, with Riise testing Dida with his trademark thunderous shot. Hyypia also went close to scoring, shooting just over if I remembered correctly. We definitely played well, but Milan were better. They dominated, and the main reason for that were Pirlo & Kaka. Most media in reporting the match seemed to forget about Pirlo. They were only talking about Kaka when in truth, Pirlo was the one who controlled the midfield.

However, they can be forgiven about that because Kaka was simply superb in the first half. He looked dangerous every time he got the ball. His vision, control, passing and movement were too much for Liverpool to handle. A true heir of the great Zidane.

Liverpool managed to hang on until five minutes before halftime. That was when Shevchenko turned provider for Crespo to score the 2nd goal. With that goal, all my hope of winning was gone. That goal was the lowest I felt in the entire game. Watching Milan dominating the first half hurts, but at least I still believed Liverpool can do something and win the game. But the 2nd goal destroyed everything, I practically threw the towel.

Five minutes later just before halftime, a moment of brilliance from Kaka seemed to end the match as a contest. He collected the ball just inside the centre circle, before turning expertly with skill & grace, and with that turn he left Gerrard for dead! Kaka then took a few steps forward, looked up and saw Crespo making a good run in front of him and instinctively threaded a beautiful measured to perfection pass for Crespo. Carragher who was marking Crespo tried to cut the pass by sliding desperately, but the pass was just too good. Crespo did the rest by coolly chipping the ball over the on-rushing Dudek.

The way Kaka mastermind the 3rd goal epitomized the match up to that point. You see, building up to the match, "Kaka-Gerrard Showdown" dominated the headline. Two of the world’s best player will go head on in the match that will decide the best team in Europe. In the first half of that match, clearly Kaka had the upper hand. By ghosting past Gerrard in that move, Kaka layed down the fact that he won the duel.

At that point I have already accepted the fact that Liverpool wasn’t going to win it and Milan had clearly been the better side. So despite being three goals down at the halftime, I wasn’t felling as disappointed as when they scored the 2nd goal. I remember thinking, “that’s ok boys. Just regroup at halftime, play the best that you can in the 2nd half and at least try to make the score line respectable.” That was all I’m hoping for. Just avoid humiliation.

Allegedly, this was said by Benitez in the dressing room during halftime. “Don't let your heads drop. Every player who goes onto the pitch in the 2nd half will have to hold his head up high. We are Liverpool. Never forget that, you have to hold your heads high for the SUPPORTERS....... You can't call yourself Liverpool players if you don't. If we come out and create chances we can get back into this.... Believe we can do this. Believe we can do it and we will... Give yourself the chance to be a hero!”

to be continued, stay tuned.......

Why So Serious?

Imagine a guy forcefully grabbing you by your neck and then pulling you closer until your face is just inches away from his.
Imagine him with a face of an innocent mime, except that the make up is worn out & messy and the face is full of scars.
Imagine him talking in a voice that holds all the rage and grudge deep inside, telling you how his sadistic dad carved the long scars either side of his lips just so he will smile forever.
Then imagine him sticking a knife deep between your lips, asking;
WHY SO SERIOUS?!

Erghh, tried my best there. I was trying to capture the creepiness of The Joker in the Dark Knight. Definately not my best work...

Anyway, do you remember how annoying Joker can get in the previous Batman movies and cartoons? Well he is not annoying anymore, he is downright scary!

I watched The Dark Knight last night and it was awesome! Even the high expectation I had for the movie didn’t ruin it. It was truly awesome! To think that someone can take a cartoon character and then make a deep tight movie out of it is just amazing. I think Spiderman started the trend of adding more human value to a superhero, but this version of Batman just took it to another level altogether.

The directing, acting, script and plot were all worthy of a good proper character based movie. The fight scenes, the special effects and CGIs were all worthy of a summer ‘kick-ass’ blockbuster movie. And Christopher Nolan managed to combine both qualities with aplomb. Well done!

I’m not going to talk about the movie in great details, I’m not up to it right now. All I can say is go watch it. BY FAR the best movie I’ve watched this year!

Agriculture?

My dad had a surprise for me; he had a proposal.

Basically, he wanted me to join him in this project of fish farming. This is one of those initiatives taken by our ever-helpful government to help people start their own business.

“Adik takde duit la ayah”, I told my dad.

Quickly my dad said, “jangan risau, diaorang akan bagi modal. Modal tu dah termasuk gaji. Dalam 4 bulan kita dah boleh jual ikan tu & boleh terus dapat untung.”

Tempting…

When I asked my dad what fish this is, he told me he only calls it ‘ikan bodoh’.

“Kenapa nama dia ikan bodoh?” I asked, laughing.

“Sebab ikan tu kalau kita pergi dekat pun dia tak akan lari. Jadi senang nak tangkap. Ikan tu bodohla” explained my dad.

My dad said this is for export, especially to Japan. We only need to worry about taking care of the fish, other things including buyers and export arrangements are already in place. Then I asked my dad where are we going to do this, do we have to find a place somewhere to dig up pools?

“Tak payah,” said my dad, getting excited because I’m showing interest. “Kat sini kan banyak rumah2 kosong. Diaorang akan cari tempat untuk kita, cari rumah kosong. Ikan ni bela dalam tangki je, dalam rumah. Tak payah nak berpanas. Tak payah susah2 cari tanah nak buat kolam. Semuanya akan disediakan.”

Before I could tell him that I know next to zero about fish, he said,
“Nanti diaorang akan bagi latihan. Akan ada kursus, seminar untuk ajar kita cara nak bela ikan ni. Semua ni free. Kerja kita cuma jaga ikan tu je.”

Oh wow, ‘diaorang’ are REALLY eager to help!

I stayed quiet for a few seconds, thinking…

“Ayah memang betul2 nak buat ni. Sementara ayah boleh dapatkan tempat untuk kita baik kita join. Diaorang cuma akan pilih 50 orang untuk projek ni.”

My dad went on and on about the positives of this project, trying to convince me to join him. He didn’t actually say it, but from the way he said it, he really wanted to do this and he wanted me to join him; and if I’m not joining he is not going to either. Dang, talking about pressure!

Then he dropped the bomb.

“Projek ni fulltime, tak boleh buat part-time. Jadi adik kena berhenti kerja. Jangan risau, pulangan dia lumayan. Kena berani la sikit.”

EEEEK!!!

Quit my job?!
Throw away the security of monthly income?!
WTF!!!

What am I going to do?

I HAVE NEVER EVEN GONE FISHING BEFORE!!!