Round & Round

I am sitting in front of my newly bought netbook right now, trying hard to figure out what to write about. I just can’t think of anything to write. It’s not that I don’t have anything to say, nothing to share or whine on anymore; trust me, I have lots in my mind. If someone crack open my brain at this very moment, all kind of things will pour out. And I mean all kind of things; if you look hard enough you will probably find your bank account balance in there. (Don’t ask, I’m not going to explain it!)

So what is going on? Why am I finding it hard to write?

If I’m honest enough with myself, I know the answer. Of course I know the answer.

I’m simply tired of being wrong.

I am 30 years old now. With the things I’ve experienced, I thought I have learned a lot. And naturally when you learn a lot, you know a lot. But I don’t think I know anything at all. I keep doing the same mistakes over and over again. The more I see, hear and feel, the more confuse I get. When I think I’ve toughen up, that I’ve become stronger, I actually am still weak.

You know how scientists record their experiments on journals (or at least that’s how movies portray scientists), how they record their findings for future reference? The scientist will go something like, “this is Dr X, May 8^th, 2009. Today, 5 months after relinquishing his post as the president, I can confirm that George Jr’s brain finally showing sign of mild activity”.

Well this blog is like my experiment journal. Only it is a life experiment journal, not science (obviously). I express my feelings and my thoughts through this blog. Every time I think I have learned something, I will write it here. When I write it, I truly believe it. Unfortunately for me, I’m always wrong. And later when I find out what I write is nothing more then a load of bull, it disappoints me to no end.

I’m tired of being wrong, and I don’t want to be reminded about it anymore. That’s why I haven’t been writing much. I no longer care.

So, tired of being wrong and not caring are the reasons I’m writing less and less. OR, I’m just plain lazy. That is not so far fetched. I am lazy. What I wrote in the six paragraphs above was just me being a drama queen. Hmm..

Whatever!