My First Crush

I still remember this girl I met when I was about 10 I think, not really sure. (Actually ‘saw’, not ‘met’, and from far!). I was at a hospital then somewhere in Terengganu, visiting my grandma. The girl was at the hospital for a woman who looked to be her mum. She was probably my age or maybe even younger. The first time I saw her, she was in her cute blue baju kurung.

I don’t know what it was, but I just can’t take my eyes off her. She was cute for sure, but I don’t think that was the reason I can’t stop staring at her. Maybe it was because she impressed me. While I, as a brat, shadowed my mum all the time, she was doing stuff for her sick mum. She basically took care of her mum and she did it without looking awkward at all. And I could’ve sworn she did it alone because I cannot remember seeing anyone else with her at any point of time. (Admittedly, I didn’t remember anyone else probably because I just focused on her and ignored everyone else).

Anyway, we visited my grandma everyday for a week and although I felt hospitals were creepy at that time, I just cannot wait to go there because of the girl. I just wanted to meet (I mean see) the girl again. So the whole time I was at the hospital, I stared at her. Watching her getting water for her mum, watching her towelling her mum, watching her helping her mum to eat, watching her…

And she noticed me watching her. Of course she did. A few times she looked back at me, and one time she even gave me a smile. And I was in love…

I wish I could say here that I managed to gather enough courage to finally go talk to her. That we became friends. That we stayed in touch till today…

I didn’t do anything. Every time she looked back at me I looked away, pretending I didn’t even notice her. Guess what I did when she smiled at me that one time? I frowned.

Well I was 10. You can’t expect a 10 year old to pick up a girl at a hospital (who was taking care of her sick mum by the way), can you? I don’t even know how to pick up a girl right now and I’m already 30! So I guess it was understandable that I didn’t do anything about that girl.

But I managed to do one thing though, I know her name. It was Ana. Or Ena. Or maybe Nana. I heard her mum called out her name and it had something with ‘Na’ in it, so I think most probably her name was Ana. What a beautiful name!

I saw her every single day for that week, didn’t do anything about it and I never saw her again after that.

Thinking about it now, I’m convinced she is my soulmate. We are meant to be with each other. That’s why I’m single right now, to wait for her to come back to me, to wait for the moment for us to be re-united (although we never were in any sort of forms being united).

So Ana (or Ena/Nana), if you are reading this, you know what to do.