My so called life (it's corny, I know)

What do you make of your life? Wonderful? Sad? Non-existing? Well whatever it is, it’s your life. You have no choice but to accept your fate. Just get on with it…hmm, on second thought, maybe you do (have choices).

My life started out fine. The first 17 years, that’s what I thought. It was not extraordinarily good or bad, it was just…safe. Nothing to worry about, nothing to care about. The key word here is nothing. I certainly didn’t think enough about it at that time. They say ignorance is bliss. Well that is true, but when it turn around and bite you in the arse, you know you are screwed.

Like I said, at that time I thought my life was fine but looking back now it certainly wasn’t. It was sad. My motto at that time was, ‘when you have nothing, you have nothing to lose’. (My Along once added, “and you will have nothing to gain either”. And she’s right…not because I gave it a lot of thought, but because she’s always right, always!). I was a spoiled brat (maybe still am), ultimate original brat. The word brat was created for me. Pampered by my family, my family’s friends, teachers, and even my seniors and friends at school (weird!).

I got most things that I want, I was satisfied with everything I have, no goals, no ambitions. Spoon-fed all the time. I just sit still in my comfortable safe little world. I don’t take risk, I don’t take opportunities, I did nothing at all. I stayed out of trouble, behaved well most of the time (once got caught for not going to assembly and thought I was so cool). While my friends go here and there, do this and that, I just sit at home reading comics, daydreaming and playing mom’s favorite little brat. And the best part is, at that time, I thought I was the most ‘self-aware’ human being on the entire planet. I thought I was smart!

Now 10 years on, the feeling is still there. That uncontrollable ‘self-aware’ feeling. Only this time it makes me sad, because I know it’s not true…