Men Power!

We can be ‘imam’, women can’t. Prayers time, we lead the line. We are the head of the family. A wife cannot leave home without the permission of the husband. A husband has the right to discipline the wife, physically. A husband can take 4 wives. A husband can divorce a wife by just saying 3 words, a wife has to go back and forth to the court to get a divorce.

What a wonderful creature we must be. Well actually we are not. So why does God gave such power to us?

A friend of mine is trying to get a divorce from her husband. The reason, among other things, was her husband had an affair. That was the last straw for her, and she left him. But they are not divorced yet. It’s too complicated. She needs to find a lawyer and that will cost a lot of money. She has to go to court to get fasakh, and there is a possibility that she won’t get it, the reason being she was the one who left. It does not matter that her husband neglected some of his responsibilities. It doesn’t matter that her husband cheated on her.

She left him, and that was all that matters. She is in the wrong.

Guess what her husband did when she left their house. Instead of him going after her, he brought his girlfriend to stay at the house! What a guy! His girlfriend has since left him because apparently he lied to her about being married. And now he won’t let his wife go, wants to get back with her. He apologised and told her not to prolong the issue. Can you believe that? Not to prolong the issue!

“Sayang, I’m sorry for what I did. I’m sorry I brought her to stay at our house. I’m sorry for not going after you immediately after you left. But she’s gone now and I’m all alone. So let’s forget all that and let’s get back together.”

It is mind boggling! As I said, what a guy!

Back to my question now. Why does God gave such power to men? It hardly seems fair.

Well God is God. He is above perfect. We can’t question Him. If we failed to understand the reasoning behind His rules and laws, we have to try harder. We have to look for the reasoning with the intention to find truth, not only to make it work for us.

Most men will see this as a sign that men are superior to women. They became arrogant and often when they got into arguments with their wives they will point to all this, trying to assert their power using the said God’s rule.

For me, while there are some truths in it, we have to look deeper.
‘With great power comes great responsibility.’ (Sigh, can’t believe I’m quoting Uncle Ben).

Responsibility. Somehow that word often escaped our thoughts. We feel we have the absolute power. No one can question us. We forgot that the bigger the responsibility is, the more severe our punishment will be if we neglected it. Maybe all will be well for us in this world but we will never ever escaped God’s punishment in the afterworld. God give men the power because we can handle it. Because we could and should be fair.

Just as an example, let’s look at Prophet Muhammad. A guy during Prophet Muhammad’s time hit his wife because the guy said his wife was stubborn and big headed. He had tried giving advices but the wife didn’t change. So he hit her.

According to the law, the guy was well within his rights to do so. But our beloved Prophet didn’t say ‘well it’s your right to do it’. Instead he said ‘why would you hit your sleeping companion, why would you hit the mother of your children?’

Can you see the point I’m making? In using our power we have to be considerate. We have to use our God given brain. We have to be responsible!

Hey, I’m not perfect. I don't mean to preach by writing this. I have lots of flaws as a man. But at least I’m trying to be fair. Rules are rules, but when it involves our better half, let’s use it as a guide first. Let’s not use the rules to justify us being jerks and act like a neandhertal.

We men have our privileges and specialties, but so do women. Let’s not abuse it.

As for my friend, I hope her husband will let her go. She suffered enough.