My Flaw - Because I Care

I have a flaw. Well I have many really, but one of my flaws is that I like to point out mistakes made by the people close to me. I just can’t let it go. Why? Let me try to explain how I see it.

If you see a curious two year old toddler playing with a knife, what would you do? I think the answer is quite obvious. We take away the knife because it is dangerous, and then we tell the toddler not to play with the knife again. We all know a toddler playing with knife could results in injury, and we know the toddler is not aware of the danger. That’s why we need to take the action, because the toddler doesn’t know better. There is no problem in dealing with that. It’s not complicated at all.

However, it gets complicated when instead of a ‘two year old toddler’, we have a fully mature grown up. And instead of a physical danger, it is a danger in other form.

You see, as we all get older, our ‘playing with knife’ change to something different, something that can bring different kind of cuts and bruises, and something vague with its danger. The knife that we play with could be anything. It could be a big life decision. It could be the way we perceive things or simply how we treat other people. It could be something that we don’t even realise wrong.

“Kuman seberang lautan…., gajah depan mata….”

That saying is true, but contrary to popular belief, it is not a bad thing. That’s just how it is. It’s not that we purposely turn a blind eye to our mistakes all the time. It’s just that sometimes, most of the times, we really can’t see it. We need others to point it out to us.

So when I see anyone that I care about being blissful to it, what do I do? I let it go for the first couple of times in hope the person will realise it, but if it keeps on happening, I tell that person off. Not because I think I'm better, not because I want to dictate that person life and not because I want to intrude, I just don’t want that person to get into trouble. That's why I just can't let it go.

Now I’m always the first one to hold my hands up and admit that I probably have more flaws than any guy next to me. But as I said, some of our mistakes are clearer for everyone else to see than us. Do you know how a joke between friends can results in one guy laughing out loud and the other feeling offended? Now the guy who laugh most of the time doesn’t realise he is being insensitive. That is one of the mistakes I’m talking about. You don’t need to be perfect to see it. I’m far from perfect but I’m not totally blind to rights and wrongs.

But pointing mistakes often brings trouble. People will get offended. They will tell you to mind your own business. They will accuse you as being nosy and intruding. They will say ‘Hey you’re not without flaws you know, do you want me to list it down?”

Actually, to my friends, yes. If you care about me that is. Please do that. Whatever my flaws are, I want to know, so I can at least try to change it so I won't get into trouble because of it. And if I don’t agree with my alleged flaws, I want to be able to put it straight and defend myself.

Intention is the key here.

The point is not to make other people bow to your acceptable standard of behaviour. The point is to make them realise they might be in the wrong, and what they do might cause them ‘unpleasantness’ in the future. *It is a view from outside the bubble*. When you’ve done that and they say, "Ok I understand what you’re saying but I don’t think there is anything wrong with it, I know what I’m doing", then fair enough. Just let it be.

When someone criticises you, don’t go straight jumping your gun. Think first. Try to see if that person is being sincere or just out to get you. Is that person trying to humiliate you or trying to save you from humiliation? Take it from there.

Don’t agree with me? Then think about this, why does Rafael Nadal need a coach? Unless his coach is Pete Sampras, what can the coach possibly teach Nadal? He is untouchable at the moment but still it doesn’t mean he has no room to improve.

I care for the ones dearest to me. That’s why I will always say it when I feel my dearest are in the wrong. Rather than letting them being talked about behind their back, being hated and despised, I’d prefer them to be angry at me for a while.

Because like I said, I care. If I stopped doing it, it means I no longer care.

*Copyright The Notebook