Open Letter For Yu

I never got the chance to tell you how I feel about you, what our friendship meant to me because you left in such a hurry.

We fought all the time and I’m holding my hands up, most of it were my fault. We started off on the wrong foot, doing the wrong things for all the wrong reasons. I guess we never recovered from that. At least I didn’t.

As the time passed by, my care for you became real. What ever the reason was when we started, my care for you became a genuine thing that I felt deep inside. Hey, I truly care for you. It was real. Like I once told you, you may see what I’m saying as plastic, and I don’t blame you. I was a jerk most of the time when I’m with you and I regret that. But I do care for you.

I have a lot of anger in me. That’s who I am. What I’ve been through these past few years only made it worse. And you were there. As I was recovering we found each other. And I harshly channeled my anger towards you.

But we held on to each other.

When we were together it was a real pleasure to me. Sharing thoughts & fears and listening to your stories. The way your face lights up and the way you have that dreamy remembering look every time you tell Their stories. Your child-like smile and your childish grace. The way you remembered Them. I will never forget that.

But my anger, that was the problem.

And also Her. Don’t think I didn’t notice. Don’t think I didn’t realise. I can’t give you what you want, that I have made clear from the first day we met. So it wasn’t fair when you use Her as a reason, to make yourself leave.

When you told me that it will be soon, I didn’t expect it to be on that very night. And I didn’t expect you to be so resolute. How many times before have you decided to leave? We always end up back together. But the last text you sent me, asking me to make it happened for real that time broke my heart. So I agreed. So I promised. And I’m keeping it. Keeping it took every will power I have in me. I just want you to know that it is not easy.

But be assured, it will stay this way. It’s for the best I guess, for both of us.

Hey, I don’t blame you. I’m not angry. It’s inevitable. I just wish it wasn’t as abrupt as it was.

I'm sorry for every tears you shed. I'm sorry for every grief I caused.

You freed me baby darling, you made me happy. I wish I had the same effect on you.

All the best to you. I wish you well.