An Update

So here we are, in the 2nd month of 2009, and things haven’t changed much for me since the day I started this blog. I still whine a lot, especially on…erm, wait. No ‘especially’, I still whine about everything. I guess the tone for this blog, that is a ‘whine arena’ for Good Boy, was written in stone right from the start, and that is what it will always be. It seems impossible to change it. Whining is my passion.

I’m still with GUP, though right now I’m actively looking for other jobs. Got a couple of interviews and fingers crossed, I will leave GUP soon. It’s getting really hard for me getting up in the morning to go to work. I despise GUP and it has come to a point where by just being in the office is like going through a never ending mental torture. Coupled that with this new very unbelievably unreal annoying irritating girl who joined recently, I just can’t take it anymore. GUP is killing me deep inside and I need to get out of it asap, or I might end up in mental asylum. No kidding!

And I’m still broke. While I’m not exactly eating maggi at every meal, my meager saving is getting more and more pathetic by the month. And it is made worse by the ever expanding things that I want. I didn’t use to ‘want’ things before, but now I just want everything. And the fact that I am nowhere near affording those things depresses me a whole lot. Never mind a Vaio, I can’t even afford a pair of jeans now. I don’t know what I do with my money, at the end of the month my current account is always in the negatives. Sigh…

Hmm what else….Let see, I’m still a narcissist, still angry and still a crybaby. I think that just about covers it all.

Anyway, I was saying things haven’t changed much, but a few things did change.

One of them was, I’ve gotten over my ex. For real. A friend is still skeptical about it but I’m completely healed now. It took about one and a half year for me to do that, not that bad really. I don’t know how it happened, but it did. One morning I woke up and bang, I felt free! Thank God! It was a painful memory but a priceless experience nonetheless. I like to think that I’m a stronger person now. However, having said that, the damage is done really. The scar remains. Every time I hear or see similar things to what I went through, I blow my top so much that it messes up my better judgment. It works like a trigger, and unfortunately I don’t think it will ever go away.

Another thing, I’m writing less and less now. I don't even write match report for Liverpool anymore. My last few postings on the blog were just some poems I wrote about nothing. I’m just too lazy. By writing poetry I feel that I don’t need to put too many thoughts in it. I can just leave it very vague without going into too much detail and still I can call it my ‘new writings’. I feel like I’m cheating. I’m not sure what causes my laziness to write but it is either because I’m relatively happy right now or I just run out of things to say. I’ve said in one of my postings some months ago that I feel more inspired when I’m angry or sad. Right now there are not too many things to be angry or sad about, which is good I guess.

Or like I said, maybe it is because I have run out of things to say. There was a time when I posted new entry for the blog every single day. That time, I would sit in front of my PC and think about what to write. I mean I would really squeeze my brain to get ideas out because I wanted my blog to have lots of entries. Well I can’t (or wont) do that anymore. I will end up writing rubbish if I do that now. So from now on, I will only write when I have something to write about. Not just to have more entries in my blog.

Ok I think I’ll stop here for now. My stomach is feeling really weird. Must be the satay. Ciao!

From The Heart

I wanted it so much to be you,
When my phone rang while I was deep in my sleep,
So I could tell you how much I missed you,
And that I wished you were by my side all the time.

I wanted it so much to be me,
When you were smiling and frowning deep in your thoughts,
Smiling reminiscing our sweet moments,
Frowning at the thought of how far apart we were.

I wanted it so much to be us,
When they were talking enviously about romance and true love,
How moon shone brightest when we were together,
And birds chirped cheerfully when our hands clasped tightly.

I wanted it so much to be you,
But now it is fading away with each passing minute,
And with each passing day we grow further apart,
And the yearning is dying bringing peace to the heart.

From Gold To Blood

I once knew a boy who teared gold,
When he cried, bowed the whole world,
When he screamed, fire turned cold.

Growing up he thought things stay the same,
Coming out he felt things laid to be claimed,
Blissfully he strolled to claim his fame,
But turned out he only claimed shame.

He soon learned he was mistaken,
Life after all was nothing like a game,
Crying foul he looked for things to blame,
But all the fingers pointed straight at him.

So he grabbed his hair and tore it out,
Kneed down beating chest and spouted out,
‘I’ve learned my lesson’ to the watching crowd,
‘Just wait and see I’ll make everybody proud’.

But in truth he still didn’t understand it,
Deep down he cursed others on every bit,
For he still failed to really versed it,
And looked like he will never ever get it.

Because he kept pointing up to the sky,
And he kept asking how and why,
While keeping still and stayed a child,
And refused to sweat and walk the miles.

I now know a man who tears blood,
When he cries, the world laugh aloud,
When he screams, the fire spread far and wide.