Selamat Hari Raya!

That guy with the weird accent has confirmed it, raya is on Wednesday. That means tomorrow is the last day of fasting, the 30th day of Ramadhan.

I have never enjoyed fasting the way I enjoyed it this year. Not sure of the other reasons but working at GUP contributed towards that definitely. Leaving home for work at 10am and leaving work at 4pm everyday made it a lot easier for me.

I’ve set three targets for me to achieve during Ramadhan and I’m proud to declare that I’ve failed in all three of them. I said I wanted to quit smoking, hah, that didn’t happen. The first three days of puasa was good where I smoked less than three cigarettes per night, but that was as good as it gets. After that onwards my smoking habit went back to normal. Well I did try….

Then I said I wanted to go to as many pasar ramadhan as I can. All in all I went to six pasar ramadhans, which was not bad for me but I passed the chance to go to at least another three because I was just too lazy. I actually planned to do reviews for the pasar ramadhan that I went to but again my laziness got the better of me. So another fail for me.

Last but not least, I said I wanted to go to terawikh every night. Hmm, how I should I put it here; I have never failed so badly in anything else before. Yup, that’s about right. It was embarrassing really, I didn’t even go for the first night! I think I went to about 9 nights of terawikh. 9 out of 30 equals to 30%, a definite fail!

I’m sad to bid goodbye to Ramadhan because I know I could and should have done a lot more. This is what I feel every year, the regret of not taking full advantage of the month. All I can do now is pray to God to give me another chance at doing better next year. Ramadhan is a privilege, hopefully I will remember that at the start of it next year, not at the end of it.

Exit Ramadhan, enter Aidilfitri. I want to take the opportunity here to apologise for all the wrongs I’ve done to everyone. Wishing everyone a fantastic hari raya, the day of celebration.

And baby darling, no, I hold no grudges at all, hope it’s the same with you. Nothing more I’d like to do than dial your number, but I’m keeping my promise. It may seem stupid, but I think it is for the best. Please accept my apology for each and every wrong I did, wishing you an ace raya!

From the bottom of my heart,

SELAMAT HARI RAYA, MAAF ZAHIR BATIN…

The Season So Far

Football fans are fickle. That’s the general view shared by many, including myself, and that means admitting that I myself am fickle. Our views change all the time depending on the current situation of our teams. In a space of one week a manager, from the eyes of the fans, can change from having god like status to the absolute clueless moron. Knee jerk reactions are often the problem for the fickle minds. We will tend to say bad things right after the team loss a game. And when we won, we tend to get way ahead of ourselves, getting excited over nothing. That’s why I have learned not to say anything immediately after a game. I will always give it sometime to cool down from watching a match.

However being fickle is still a problem so I feel it will be interesting to put my views on the record from time to time so I can re-read it and have a laugh at myself. So this is what I’m doing now. I’m going to give my assessment on the team so far.

The season is still very young, just six games played so anything can happen. In general I’m happy with how things are going but I’m keeping my feet firmly on the ground because I realise it will only takes one game to change everything.

One thing that I’m definitely happy about the season so far is the fact that Rafa is sticking to his best team most of the time. He rotated less this season and that is always a good sign as it shows that he now knows his best team and has more confidence on his players.

I'm going to do this by breaking it down to three areas;

Defense
This is the one area in which I have a full confidence on. The central defenders that we have in the squad are just superb. Right now the first choice is Carra and Skrtle, and rightly so I think. They are forming good understanding and have so far played really well. Waiting for the chance to play are Hyypia and Agger, two players who would walk into any side in the world. So great strength in depth there.

The fullbacks are doing well too. Arbeloa has been in good form of late, not just defending but also reliable going forward. Rafa will never play expensive, gung-ho type of football so Arbeloa is really suited to our style of play. If he is injured, Carra can take his place on the right with either Hyypia or Agger taking the place in the center. No problem at all. I’m also content with our left side with Dossena and Aurelio playing well. Even Agger can play there if he was needed.

Then we have Reina between the post. He is becoming one of the world’s best goalkeeper, his form this season suggested that. Many Liverpool fans have been saying he is the best in the business for quite sometime now and it’s proving to be right. His understudy, Cavalieri, the Brazilian, is the best reserve goalkeeper we have in a long time. So again, no worries there.

Midfield
In my opinion, Gerrard is playing his best football in his career at the moment. I’m not going to go in details of what I think of him, I already did that in my Everton match report. He has been superb this season, that is as far as I’ll go here. Then we have The Chief and Alonso competing for a place along side Gerrard in the heart of the midfield. Both have been playing well and I have no problem with whomever Rafa chooses to play, but for me when we play against the obviously weaker teams we have to play Alonso as he can offer more in attacking sense compared to The Chief.

The new guy, Riera is proving to be a good buy. He is giving us genuine width on the left, something we have been severely lacking in recent times. He got a good cross in him with good touch and technique. The jury is still out on him as it is still early days of his career playing for Liverpool but I’m definitely happy with him so far. On the right we have Pennant who can do the same job Riera is doing on the left. However he is very inconsistent and Rafa seems determine to offload him, that is clear with him not getting any playing time. Pennant is playing well for the reserve though and maybe, just maybe, with him playing late on in the Everton game Rafa is starting to give him another chance.

Then we have the three youngsters who are the fringe players for the squad. Elzhar, Plessis and Lucas can all come in to the squad and do decent jobs. But I want to see more from Lucas who has been poor when he played so far. Voted the best player in the Brazilian league has got to mean something, unfortunately I still don’t see anything special in him.

Forwards
This area has been the problem this season. Who would have thought that? Torres and Keane are taking forever to click as a partnership. Keane is just trying too hard for his own good, I think. He should relax more and I’m sure the goals will come. Torres scored two in the Everton match but in truth he has been poor. Hopefully things will pick up soon. Keane supplied the assist for Torres in the first goal in that Everton game so finger crossed that will give their partnership a boost it needed.

Ryan Babel has so much potential in him so I don’t understand why he can’t play well when he starts a game. He is direct with explosive pace and shot but we mostly see that when he started from the bench only. If he continued the trend he will remain forever as a super-sub. That would be a pity as he has what it takes to be one of the world’s best strikers.

Now one striker I’m happy about is Dirk Kuyt. I’m not his biggest fan. I do acknowledge the work he puts in for the team but I wanted more from him as a striker. Now, I’m seeing his true worth. He is just excellent on the right in a 4-2-3-1 formation. At the end of last season Torres described him as ‘spectacular’ and at that time I thought Torres was just being nice. Not now though, Dirk Kuyt is spectacular and I’m not surprised if he is the first name Rafa put in on the team sheet every week.

Well looking at my assessment above will make you think that everything is rosy for Liverpool but I’m still not happy with the passing and movement of the team in general. Sometimes I just wonder what they do in training because the basic pass and move is very poor. We should be doing better in that aspect, we certainly have the players to do so. Another thing that bugs me is the fact that we are so poor in dead ball situation. Our corners in particular are atrocious. How hard is it for a professional footballer to take decent corners? Surely we don’t need Gerrard to take it all the time as he is wasted not being in the penalty box or at on the edge of it looking to score from the delivery. It is mind boggling really. Rafa, please sort it out as soon as possible.

We have a tough week ahead, a Champions League game in midweek against PSV and a tough away league game on the weekend at Man City. Man City are flying right now with the two new recruits, Robinho and Wright Philips scoring and in good forms. Even without the two new players they have a good team with Jo and Petrov impress me the most.

I expect nothing less then a win against PSV as it will be a home game. It’s the Man City game that worries me. Playing in the league away after a Champions League game is always tricky. Hope we can register another win to follow up on the great victory against Everton.

Like I said in the Everton report, we have been picking up points and playing fairly well without the strikers getting in full gears. So I’m excited to think how well we can play if the strikers were back to their best.

Torres showed sign of his old self already and hopefully he won’t look back now. I’m going to put my neck on the line and say Keane with the help of Torres will score in one of our next two games. I have a really good feeling on this.

Can't wait for Thursday!

Everton vs Liverpool

Result : 0 – 2
Scorer : Torres (2)
Red card : Tim Cahil
Man of the match : Steven Gerrard

Steven Gerrard is a Superman. He is the only player in the world who can be the hard man, as well as the heart of the team. No one works harder than him and at the same time supply the creative spark. He is good with the ball at his feet, pass really well, good dribbler, the best tackler around, got brilliant football brain, explosive shot, very good header, has perfect technique, good pace, amazing energy and stamina, good strength, moves well off the ball; HE CAN DO ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING!

Why oh why am I drooling over Gerrard tonight? He played better at Marsille and I didn’t even pick him as the man of the match for that game! Well tonight he gave the perfect captain performance. It was a derby game and for a local lad like him it was very easy to lose his head but he didn’t. If anyone remembered last season in this fixture he was subbed off by Rafa because according to Rafa, he played too much with his heart. That didn’t happen tonight. It was more amazing when you consider that he was looking for his 100th goal for Liverpool. To reach that landmark in the most famous of derby would be one great story to tell his grandchildren, but he didn’t go for that glory. Instead he absolutely played for the team and gave a real captain performance. Well done Stevie!

Obviously I picked Gerrard as the man of the match. He was just superb. One particular incident in the game that explains why I liken him to Superman was when he ran forward with the ball skipping past a few players. He was then tripped and lost his balance but seeing he wasn’t getting the foul, as he was falling over he tried to thread the ball to Torres I think it was. But the pass got cut off and Everton broke forward quickly with their danger man Cahil on the ball. This was where Gerrard showed his Superman effort. Most players would have had their hands in the air, staying on the ground complaining to the referee about not getting the foul. Not him. He got up from just a few yards away from Everton’s penalty box, out-ran everyone to get to a few yards away from Liverpool’s penalty box, got the tackle in on Cahil, won the ball and ultimately stopped a very promising break for Everton. Amazing!

Ok enough about him, I’m not gay enough to dedicate the whole match report to him.

I’m not sure in what formation we played in. Was it 4-2-3-1? What made me confused was the absence of The Chief. Playing that formation without him, and then pairing Gerrard and Alonso in the middle was very unlike Rafa. I didn’t watch the pre-show so I’m not sure what happened. Was he injured? Or did Rafa really choose not to play him? Kuyt and Riera played way too forward for the formation to be a flat 4-4-2. If it was indeed a 4-2-3-1, Rafa deserved a big pat on his back because it was a very big and brave decision and he got it spot on. We controlled the match form the word go.

Though we had all the possession in the first half, the game remained scoreless at halftime. I was worried because noticeably there was a shade of the Stoke game in the first half; lion share of possession with no real meaningful chance created.

But it all changed soon enough in the second half and the man responsible for it was no other than Torres. He is back. It hasn’t been the best of times for Liverpool’s strikers, Torres included. We wasted a lot of chances this season and the strikers were to blame. But he scored, finishing off a great move with a well-taken volley. The relief on his face was clear for everyone to see, big pressure of his shoulder, and from that moment on, the old Torres was back. Suddenly he looked comfortable on the ball, running at defenders, with good close control. Confidence is key to every player in particular young player like him and that goal gave him his confidence back. Sure enough few minutes after scoring the first, he scored another one. Then he scored his third only for the goal to be disallowed by the referee for a non-existing foul. It was a bad call and Torres was denied a hattrick by that bad call. But the important thing is he got his confidence back and we will see the best of him from now on, I’m sure of it.

Another important thing to note is how good our central defense is this season. Carra and Skrtle hardly put a foot wrong since the start of the season. One look at the bench and we can see the imperious Hyypia and the excellent Agger just waiting to be given the chance to play. Carra, Skrtle, Hyypia and Agger; how many teams can boast talents like that in their squad?

We have been picking up points without the strikers playing well, but now with Torres and Keane look to have developed better understanding, exciting times are just around the corner. It is a good season so far, and we have a really good squad right now. I don’t think we are good enough to win the league yet but we should certainly put up a better challenge for the league with the players that we have.

I think the next league game is Chelsea and we will see just how good the team actually is in that game.

Farcical GUP

Today is the last day at work before Raya and I’m not going to do any work at all. I’m so far up my Raya mood that all I can think of right now is where to get good lemang from. For me there is no Raya without lemang. There was one Raya morning my dad forgot to buy lemang after I have repeatedly reminded him to get it, so I merajuk and went to my room and slept without taking my breakfast. Absolutely no Raya without lemang!

Another reason I’m not doing work is because I’m on a mini strike.

You see, two weeks into Puasa I made a request to my boss for the whole office to get our pay cheques earlier. By earlier I meant the same day as the normal payday for the whole freaking world, which is on 25th.

We get our cheques at 28th every month because ‘it complies with the labour law of the country’. So in the event of our payday falling on weekends, hell has a better chance of freezing, compared to our payday to be brought forward. We will have to wait until the next Monday to get our cheques. And then we will have to wait 3 working days for our cheques to be cleared which is really ridiculous if you asked me. So basically we will get our money at 3rd or 4th or 5th every month.

So to avoid being broke during Raya I made the request because 28th for this month will be on Sunday, which means we will get our cheques on 29th, the next Monday. The problem is I will already be on leave and even if I got my colleague to bank in the cheque for me it will only be cleared the following Monday because Wednesday and Thursday are public holidays. So obviously I’m not going to let that happens because being broke during Raya is sad, and I don’t like being sad.

And my boss said ‘no problem’ to the request. So I was happy all through out Puasa thinking I will get my money earlier. And then earlier this week (Monday I think) my boss came to me and told me that the whole office will get their cheques on Wednesday so it will be cleared by the next Monday. Doubly happy. The sooner the better.

It sounded too good to be true that they will give us our cheques even earlier than we requested and guess what, turned out it really was too good to be true; we only got our cheques today, one day later than we requested.

Now if we were lucky it will probably be cleared on Friday, 2 days after Raya. If we weren't lucky, we will get our money on Monday, the day all of us back at work.

So yeah on a mini strike I am, with a very valid reason to do so…..

Liverpool vs Crewe Alexandra

Liverpool played Crewe in the third round of Carling Cup. I didn't watch the game so I'll use the match report written by Dave Usher, the owner/founder (or whatever you call them) of the best Liverpool FC independent website, The Liverpool Way.

Dave Usher is an excellent writer by the way....

Scorer(s) – Daniel Agger, Lucas
Half Time - 0-0
Venue - Anfield
Date - Sat 20 September 2008
Star Man – Sami Hyypia

We won. That’s about the only good thing I can say after this. Next year when the auto-cup scheme form comes through the post, I may well just leave the ‘League Cup’ box blank. I’ve been in two minds over going to these games anyway, as I’d rather not give the leeches that own our club any more money than I have to, but against my better judgement I ticked that box that said ‘League Cup’ so I’m stuck with it for this season.

Given the performance I witnessed last night I can’t see me having to fork out too much more, as the first decent side we get will beat us if Rafa keeps picking that team.

The performance was poor, but in all honesty I expected no less when I saw the line up that had been picked. It looked unbalanced, and lacking in goalscoring options. Daniel Agger opened the scoring, and a look through that side tells you that he was always likely to be one of our best hopes for a goal. He might be a centre half, but he does get goals. Apart from Babel, Agger and Sami would have been our most likely goalscorers when you look at that starting eleven.

I reckon Rafa had the same concerns I did, which was why he made sure he had Alonso, Keane and Torres on the bench in case things went wrong. He knew there was a good chance they wouldn’t get the job done so he made sure he had his insurance policy on the bench. The fact we had to put Torres on with 25 minutes left says it all. Keane would have had 20 minutes as well had Degen not gotten injured, and the only surprise for me is that Gerrard wasn’t on the bench as well.

I know some people view it as a cardinal sin to mention Arsenal and their youngsters, but I look at what they did last night, and I compare it to the fucking dross that I saw at Anfield, and it depresses the fuck out of me. I had a quick look on the forum and saw some people getting tetchy because others were asking how come Arsenal can not only give their kids a run out, but they can go on to put six goals past a Championship team.

It’s a valid question though. Rafa has spent a fortune on bringing in youngsters from all over the globe. In addition to that, we have a group of players who won the youth cup back to back, and who last year won the national reserve title. Yet the sum total of all that is that only Insua, N’Gog, Plessis and the oldest ‘youngster’ in town Nabil El Zhar were involved last night.

Jay Spearing and Stephen Darby should go in today and ask to be put on the transfer list. That’s not being knee jerk or melodramatic, they really should do. Having done so well in pre-season, the reality of their situation must surely have hit home now. If they can’t get in an 18 man squad when we’re playing a League One side at Anfield in the League Cup, then they are never going to chance here and they should stop kidding themselves that they might do. Get out lads, get out while you still can as you deserve better than this.

I remember Rafa campaigning to be allowed seven subs, his argument being that it would allow him the opportunity to put a couple of youngsters on the bench. I said at the time that even if he was allowed seven subs the young lads wouldn’t feature and it’s been proved right, as apart from the Liege game when Spearing was named on the bench (due to the absence of Lucas and Mascherano and serious doubts about whether Gerrard would be able to get through the game before he underwent surgery), none of the reserve squad have even had a sniff of a Premiership or Champions League squad.

However, Rafa outdid himself last night. Crewe at home, League Cup, seven subs named and the likes of Spearing, Pacheco, Darby, Kelly and San Jose still miss out. Seriously, what’s the point of them being here? At Arsenal, 16 and 17 year olds get their chance. At Liverpool, even 19 and 20 year olds are still deemed too young. I can see the logic behind the starting eleven, and a case can be made to justify every one of them getting a start ahead of any of the youngsters.

I’d like to have seen more of the kids in the side, but I understand that people like Hyypia, Agger, Pennant, Lucas and Babel needed a game. So as much as I’d have loved to see some of the lads get a game I’m not criticising Rafa for the team he picked. It’s the subs bench that really angered me.

Selecting Keane, Torres and Alonso on the bench was definitely an insurance policy in case we needed a cavalry charge late on, but having Carragher, Skrtel and Dossena on the bench smacked of just wanting to avoid giving any of the reserve squad a chance. It’s an absolute fucking joke. Did we really need to have Carragher AND Skrtel? There was no way in a million years Skrtel was ever going to get on that pitch unless two of the back four were injured. Could Darby and San Jose not have taken Skrtel or Dossena’s place on the bench?

Surely Jay Spearing was worth at least a place on the bench? A strong case could even be made for him starting, as based on what he showed in pre-season he would probably have given us more than either of Plessis and Lucas did. Plessis is a completely defensive type of player. He doesn’t have any attacking qualities whatsoever. He’s good at what he does, which is keep it simple and protect the defence, but did we really need that against Crewe? Damian looks to have gone backwards to me since making such an impressive debut at Arsenal. Hanging around town with Charles Itandje doesn’t seem to be doing him any good.

As for Lucas, don’t let that winning goal mask how mediocre he was. Those at the game will know, but with this match not being televised it’s easy for people to think he must have done ok seeing as how he scored. He didn’t. He was hardly involved, and contributed very little of note other than a few decent tackles (some of which were him winning it back after he’d lost it through poor play) and the goal.

Credit where it’s due, he made a good run into the box for the goal even if he did get a bit lucky with the header, which appeared to hit a defender and loop over the keeper. But come on, this lad is the former Brazilian player of the year, he’s a current Brazil international and he’s meant to be a potentially great player. You’d think he’d have shown us something by now. He really hasn’t though.

If he didn’t have such an impressive pedigree, everyone would be wondering just what the fuck he does and why the hell we spent £6m on him. As it is, there are plenty who do think that but there are still others giving him the benefit of the doubt. There comes a point where the argument ‘he was the best player in Brazil and he’s in their national squad, he must have something’ starts to sound a little hollow. The word ‘Kleberson’ springs to mind.

Lucas really needs to up his game and show us exactly why he was so highly regarded, because up to now he just hasn’t done it, and last night he didn’t look any better than the two lads who were in the middle of the park for Crewe.

The other big disappointment for me was Babel. He says he’s a striker, but whenever he’s played up front he’s been woeful. Had he performed, then we would have won this game at a canter because he could have destroyed Crewe on his own. The game would have been easier for N’Gog too had Babel offered more of a threat. I felt sorry for N’Gog, as he got no service whatsoever and struggled to get into the game.

He looked promising in pre-season and scored a couple of very good goals, but since then he’s shown very little. I’m struggling to think of anything he actually did against Crewe, I can barely remember him having a kick.

As for Babel, he may well be the most frustrating player we’ve ever had. I can’t work out if he’s a potential superstar, or just a Ronny Rosenthal type supersub. The evidence so far points to the latter, I just hope he can prove otherwise.

The only players to come out of it with any credit were Hyypia and Agger at the back, the returning Pennant on the wing, and the keeper who did nothing wrong. Actually you can add Degen to that, as I liked some of the things I saw from him and I feel extremely sorry for him after that horrible injury he suffered.

Given his track record, I expected the Swiss full back to spend a fair proportion of this season on the sidelines with various injuries, and when he picked up a groin injury in pre-season I thought ‘here we go, another Aurelio’. It would be really harsh however, to use this latest injury as a stick to beat him with, as it could have happened to anybody.

He had a few unconvincing moments defensively, but what I liked about him was how keen he was to go on the overlap. Any time Pennant was running forward with the ball, Degen would run flat out to try and overtake him and make an overlapping run. Arbeloa for example would be hanging back in support, and only when the winger stops would he then make an overlapping run. Degen was like a fucking madman though trying to get ahead of the ball, not always with the best of results but that is to be expected as his team-mates need to get used to how he plays and vice versa.

I liked his enthusiasm, and it’s a shame he’s picked up what looks like a serious injury that will keep him out for a while. It may open the door for Darby to play in the next round, but I take no pleasure in that and feel genuinely sorry for Degen as he showed enough against Crewe to make me think he might have been an asset in those games at Anfield when teams park the bus.

Pennant was excellent in the first half, and was clearly determined to take his chance with both hands. He was direct, he got some good crosses in and he even managed a shot, which isn’t like him. I’m a fan of Pennant’s, and I still think he’s the best option we have the right wing, especially in a 4-4-2. I’d like to think he’s played his way back into contention, but time will tell. He faded a bit in the second half, understandable given the lack of football he’s had in the last couple of months, but he still managed to create the winning goal and almost had another assist when Torres met his cross with a header that was well saved by the keeper.

Cavalieri had very little to do, and had no chance with the goal he conceded. In fact, he’d made a brilliant save to keep out the initial header from Zola – unmarked from the corner kick – and was very unlucky that the ball fell at the feet of O’Connor. The goal was against the run of play, but you always get the feeling we can let one in from a set-piece, no matter who we are playing.

Crewe never looked like scoring in open play, at least not until the last five minutes when they began to throw some men forward and had two great chances to equalise. By and large, we controlled possession and were comfortable at the back, but their keeper had very little to do and that is unacceptable. It was a poor performance, and it’s a good job we weren’t playing stronger opposition.

Hyypia was my star man due to Pennant fading a bit late on. Sami was just imperious, and won everything all night. Agger was flawless too, and scored a brilliant goal. He’s got a fantastic shot on him has Daniel, and if he’s in the side I’d let him have first crack at any free-kick we have on the edge of the box. The problem of course is getting into the side, as that’s proving to be difficult at the moment. His chance will come though, and when he gets in he’ll take some shifting.

Team: Cavalieri; Degen (Carragher), Hyypia, Agger, Insua; Pennant, Plessis, Lucas, El Zhar (Keane); Babel, N’Gog (Torres):

White Over Blue

So what do you do when your story shackles you,
When your past slip ups chain you to woe,
Do you slump to self pity crying in rue,
Or do you rise high to paint white over blue.

I was safely wrapped in a bundle of love,
As the dearest lifted me up above,
Safe from all life’s hits and shoves,
Straightened all the confusing curves.

But the instant I was freed to roam the world,
Somehow somewhere I got lost in the twirl,
Taking hard blows from life and its cruel,
Leaving myself battered and crying like a fool.

So here I am bounded to the sin,
Starting over with a new beginning,
Come what may I’ll take it on the chin,
As I’ve grown tired of all the running.

I pray to Almighty for His divine guidance,
And for the pretty goddess to be there too,
Waiting with open arms until I’m done,
Done with my quest to paint white over blue.

Love At First Sight

I don’t believe in love at first sight. It is a myth. You know what it actually is? Lust! Lust at first sight. We change the last three letters in that word to sweeten it, to justify it. Love is all sweet and flowery while lust is filthy and fiery. In truth everyone realise this fact, the pursuer and the pursued alike. But all of us like lust, if we were all honest enough to admit it. The problem is lust is a guilty pleasure so we need to give a good reason to our sudden interest in someone we have never even seen before in our life.

That’s where the love comes into play.

It is rubbish actually. How can we fall in love with someone just because she has the lips of Angelina Jolie? Or because he looks like the cross between Brad Pitt & Jude Law (got those names from the movie ‘Just My Luck’, I didn’t think of it on my own). We can be physically attracted to that someone because of it but falling in love? Common, we all know it’s bull!

Shouldn’t what he likes and what she hates be a factor in falling in love? Watching someone walking past you in the park will not let you know about that person’s view of the world. You could tell the size of her boobs or the length of his manhood, but you can never know if that person actually spat at pedophiles or asked them for tips.

In the movie ‘Music & Lyrics’, Drew Barrymore described the melody of a song as the physical attraction & the sex while the lyric is the deeper quality of a person, likes & dislikes, etc2. I agree with that, and after hearing what she said I thought to myself that the so-called love at first sight is the same as the melody of a song. It is superficial. It is all about sex.

The closest I’ve been to ‘love’ at first sight experience was four months back, when I saw this unbelievably glowing shining radiant girl at a mamak restaurant. She was perfect that night, with shoulder length straight hair and a cute white baby tee that showed off her great body. She was having a drink with her friends, all of them wearing tudung (I don’t know why I mention the tudung but I feel like I have to) and they were really enjoying each other’s company.

I kept watching her the whole time she was there. The way she laughed, the way she hugged her friends and the way she sipped her drink looked so extraordinarily cute to me. She had fair beautiful skin, big round eyes and I bet she had the most perfect set of teeth as well. She almost made me walk to her table and ask her for her name but being the coward that I am, all I did was just watch. And I think she realised that I’m watching because a few times she caught me looking at her.

Later on when she said goodbye to her friends and walked to her car I was still glued to my chair doing nothing but watching her in awe. The way she walked was incredible too. I bet if she walked on a piece of silk she won’t leave her footsteps on it because she didn’t actually walk, she floated!

She got into her car, a Kelisa, and before she drove off she tied her hair into a cute little ponytail and turned to look straight at me. Had I have a camera then I would’ve taken her picture with both her hands at the back of her head tying the ponytail while looking at me with her big innocent eyes. Stunning! I don’t know if I was just perasan or if the reason she looked at me was to make sure the creep who spent the last hour staring at her wasn’t going to jump into her car; but she did look at me and gave me a little smile before driving off.

I managed to jot down her plate number and gave it to a friend to trace in hope that I will know her name, her number and where she’s from. However it turned out that I got the number wrong, the plate number I gave to my friend belonged to a motorbike. Silly me, I can’t even get the number right! So much for my fairy tale love at first sight dream.

Even though that experience doesn’t really count as ‘love at first sight’, (for all I know that girl might be telling her friends the same story with the opening sentence of ‘A sick creepy guy stared at me….’) it nevertheless made me understood why people in general persist on it. They will cut their own fingers before admitting that love at first sight doesn’t exist.

It is because love at first sight is sugary, it blinded us into sweet optimism. It gives us hope, it makes us happy. It gives us the fairy tale all of us wish for.

And of course like I said earlier, it also makes us feel less guilty lusting over a perfect stranger that we don’t even know the name of. So yeah, keep the myth of love at first sight going and lets chop the head of anyone who dare says otherwise.

Liverpool vs Stoke City

Final Score : 0-0
Man of the Match : Xabi Alonso

What a farce! I bet this was what Stoke’s manager said to his players. “No one is allowed to cross the halfway line. Liverpool don’t have anyone in their squad who can dribble and beat players, so get everyone behind the ball and we will be fine.” And it worked for them!

Liverpool limitations were badly exposed in this game. We don’t have enough creativity in the squad and we don’t have anyone with the skill who can run with the ball. Coupled that with lack of movements, we will always struggle when teams are set out to solely defend. We will be reduced to hoping for somebody to do something spectacular to win the game and unfortunately this time no one managed to do it, and we dropped two precious points at home against a team we should really hammered. A good chance to build a lead at the top went to waste.

Benitez actually got it right in this game by leaving The Chief from the starting line up and sent out a very attacking team by Liverpool standard. The players however let him down with the strikers seemed to have left their scoring boot at home. Not even one clear-cut chance was created and with the half chances that we got, they simply snatched at it. Torres, Keane and Kuyt were all guilty of those. The movements were very disappointing, the one-twos and the third man running were non-existent. So we were left with hopeful long-range shots that often went off target as our midfielders had an off day as well.

I went for Xabi Alonso as man of the match but in truth no one deserved it. No one did anything notable. Alonso had the most shot on goal so just because of that I picked him, even though most of his shots went way off target. We had the lion share of the possession but we didn’t do anything with it. Stoke’s keeper barely had anything to do.

I really hope the game between Chelsea and Man Utd will end up in a draw so Chelsea will stay level on points with us.

A really disappointing game. Hopefully the players can pick themselves up and play better next time. We are better than this.

Mess

I was told that writing can be therapeutic. If you have something deep down it will be easier to let it out by writing. It will de-stress you, it will heal you, it will do…..fuck all!

Because I made a mistake by not staying anonymous. Because of that I have to mind what I write about, I can’t be totally honest when it will need my utmost honesty to let it out of my chest.

Lately I’ve been thinking about it a lot and the memory of it will stay with me forever. That is part of my punishment; I will never find happiness until the day I die. Until the day I’ll be thrown in hell.

It’s better to just disappear, at least I won’t drag anyone into this mess.

Well at least I’m still sane, I don’t see it in my dreams calling my name asking why……

Maybe I will soon.

Marseille vs Liverpool

Final Score : 1-2
Scorer : That guy whatever his name was (Mar), Gerrard x2 (Liv)
Man of the Match : Pepe Reina

Liverpool opened their Champions League campaign with a trip to Marseille and the match turned out to be a very pleasing one to me. It was pleasing but still had a few scary moments, especially in the second half and in the end we were lucky to get all the 3 points.

Gerrard and Torres were back to the starting line-up and while Torres was poor and showed signs of ‘rustiness’, Gerrard was immense and the decision to have that groin surgery really is paying off. Gerrard was by far the best player on the pitch in the first half. A fit Gerrard is vital for the team.

We played with the 4-2-3-1 formation which has served us well towards the end of last season, Gerrard played just behind Torres, with Keane on the bench. The formation worked for us in this match as we looked dangerous every time we went forward. Not good for Keane I reckon, unless Rafa revert to a flat 4-4-2 for the next game there won’t be a place for Keane in this team.

Again we won after going behind, and again we didn’t hide, sulk or panic after we conceded, instead we kept on playing to the plan. We should really have scored a lot more than just two goals, we missed amazing chances with Babel was guilty of wasting 3-4 of them. However, watching him and Kuyt supporting Torres upfront was great, the way they rotated their positions were superb. Kuyt was in particular played well and I think we should always play with the 4-3-2-1 formation as it brings the best out of the squad.

The most pleasing aspect of the game was how we played with confidence. The passing was good and the movements were swift. I hope we will continue to play with this newly found confidence because I truly believe that was the only thing that is missing from the squad, for both the players and the manager. We certainly have the ability in the squad and the know how in Rafa.

Man of the match went to Pepe Reina as he was the reason we got all the three points. During the first half I thought I was going to give it to Gerrard because like I said he was simply superb then, but as the game went on the players got tired, Gerrard was taken off and Marseille was really threatening and it was only Pepe who got in their way and amazingly managed to preserve our lead.

All in all a very entertaining match and I hope our good form will last a long time. Chelsea will play Man Utd on the weekend so this is a great chance for us to built a lead at the top.

Bring on Stoke!

Liverpool vs Man Utd

Final score : 2-1
Scorer : Brown og, Babbel (Liv); Tevez (Man Utd)
Red Card : Vidic (Man Utd)
Man of the match : The Chief

GET IN! With a record of 7 losses and 1 draw in the league against Utd, Rafa Benitez finally managed to put one over Alex Ferguson. How ace is that?!

I have absolutely no confidence whatsoever going into this game. Too many times have I felt confident of a victory over United only to suffer big disappointments. So with Gerrard and Torres not fit for the game, I think my pessimism was fairly founded. I even have thought of the opening for this match report in advance, something along the line of ‘I don’t think I will live to see Liverpool win the league’. So glad I don’t have to use it.

It was a funny game this, with Utd players looked nervous and made a lot of mistakes despite leading with the Tevez’s goal as early as the third minute. I believe they were forced to make the mistakes by the combination of Liverpool pressing game and the lively energy from the crowd. The pace of the game was fast with little regard of tactics and game plans. Just a lot of running and passing and movement. Simple, as football should be.

Winning a game after going behind was VERY satisfying, especially against Utd. Tevez’s goal was a blessing in disguise for Liverpool. I’ve noticed in a few games when we were desperate for a goal, the big players will stand up and say ‘to hell with the game plan, I’m taking this game on my own’. And going by the second half performance, Benitez was forced to throw caution to the air as well because he simply can’t afford to let Utd win at Anfield again. This season is very important to Liverpool because if Utd won the league, they will equal Liverpool’s record of 18 league titles. If Liverpool can’t win the league themselves, they sure as hell won’t let Utd win it, and beating Utd at Anfield was the least that they can do. Credit to Benitez for his half time teamtalk as Liverpool went out all gun blazing.

Man of the match was The Chief. He was due a big performance for his ridiculous red card last season and he delivered, he played a blinder. He recovered well from his mistake early on in that Tevez’s goal to get the man of the match. And special mention to Carra, the captain of the day who as usual was a colossus in the heart of Liverpool defense.

Alex Ferguson said his greatest achievement wasn’t winning the treble in 1999. ‘My greatest achievement was knocking Liverpool off their fucking perch!’ Well he hasn’t done that just yet because Liverpool still hold the record for most League and European cup wins. This win tonight hopefully will make sure Ferguson will have to wait a while longer, or better yet this win will see his ambition goes up in smoke.

Tonight was a great win and I’m happy for Benitez. Hopefully with this win he will trusts his players more and let the players play. And hopefully the players themselves will gain much confidence and chucked off their inferiority complex when playing against Utd.

We beat Utd without Torres and Gerrard, we can beat anyone! Lets go on and show the league our true worth!

The Damned

You’ve finally found the light
The one you have been searching for
The one you have been dreaming since forever
Grinding your teeth tight and eyes shut
You took small steps forward towards the light’s core
With each fearful steps believing you were getting closer

But then you stopped in abrupt
As every time you looked back you see the darkness
Following and chasing and clinging to your arms
And as every time you looked straight up
The light was floating further in its playfulness
Teasing you while leaving behind its trail of charms

So you stood still while the light floated away
And allowing the darkness caught up as it should
For you have conceded your place is with the battered
Paying your dues for the times you were swayed
You were left wishing for the light to be all that it could
Shining up high from a place that is sacred

You will live on with the choice you’ve made
And pray for forgiveness and redemption up ahead

Bystander

The wonder of Facebook allows me to find a lot of my schoolmates. It’s amazing that after all this years, my schoolmates, some of which I have not heard of since the last day of SPM, suddenly appeared on my page. The sad thing is I don’t even remember half of them. I’ve tried all I can but still can’t recall anything about them. Very sad, looks like I really did block that part of my memories.

It is interesting seeing how they are right now. This guy who was in the same tennis team with me now works in Japan, speaking fluent Japanese. He’s married with 2 kids. This girl who was also my primary schoolmate is now the Director of Operations of some company and is also married with 2 kids. This one guy has his own company, that other guy works abroad; the list is too long really, and too depressing.

I’m so far behind it was embarrassing when they asked me ‘Hey, what do u do now?’.

It shouldn’t be a surprise actually, I just have to look around me to see where I’m standing, where I’m at. I just have to look at my friends and my colleague, and it will be quite obvious.

And I just need to look at my siblings. It just dawned to me that I’m the only one in the family who is not ‘set’ yet. A very frustrating fact but the most frustrating part of that was I only, for whatever stupid reason, realise this fact last weekend! All this while I thought while I’m not ‘Mr Established’, I’ve been doing ok but when I thought about it, I mean really thought about it, I have nothing.

Let’s look at my siblings. My Along, she is the one who takes care of everyone so I think that is already saying enough. My Angah is married with 2 kids and has a stable and promising career with a filthy rich bank while his wife was already featured in an annual report of a big healthcare company. My Alang, the one I’m staying with right now is also married with 2 kids. Her husband, insyaalah, is going to be a petrol station owner soon.

And then there is me. What do I have going for me?

I work at GUP. Right now 2 of my colleagues are using laptops. They have to share the charger as there is only 1 working charger available. This one guy, he uses PC but his monitor keeps switching off every 5 minutes. He now uses a monitor that personally belongs to another colleague of mine. That colleague of mine who owns the monitor, she had to be in hiding for weeks because our partners kept calling her asking when will they get their money, which we don’t have. Oh and we might go bust by February.

So why don’t you leave, idiot? Stop complaining and do something about it.

Well I am, I’m working on it. It’s for real this time. And I will also take things more seriously. I’ve been hiding behind my ‘I don’t want much in life’ attitude for too long, when the truth is I’m just a coward, too scared to even try. Time is running out for me. And I believe I’m also running out of luck.

I’m a bystander. I stood still all this while, watching everyone and everything moves around me. While I stood still, they were doing stuff. They experienced things, good or bad, success or failure, it didn’t matter. They took actions.

I don’t want to be a bystander anymore. I need to start ‘experiencing’ things as well.

So wish me luck, I’m going to need a lot of it.

Of Football & I

I suck at football, but I love the game. However, things are changing.

Last night was the international football night. The world cup qualifier for Europe has started and the first games were played. Before this it would have made me so excited and I would be staying up watching as many games as I can. But I didn’t watch any match last night, not a single match. Thinking about it now, I can’t remember the last time I watch an international match (apart from Euro 08 of course, and even then I only watched Spain because of Torres). What has happened to me?

When I was a kid football was one of my favorite pastime. Playing bare-footed with my friends, we will use the hockey field near my house to play football and we will play until Maghrib. We even play football at the mosque at its parking lot (the mosque had its own mini ‘kebun’, so after we done playing it was makan time for us). And often when we play it was just about kicking the ball around, having fun without a care for the score or who actually won the game.

When I was in boarding school, I will pray that the end of month weekend will coincide with a football game at Paroi Stadium. It was because the school let us go home once a month, usually at the last weekend and if there was a football match being played at that time I will go with my friends to the stadium. It was a real fun going to the stadium. Cheering for our team until we lost our voice, eating over-priced and taste-like-dirt stadium’s burger, the deafening noise when our team scores and the curses when our team concedes a goal; that was what football meant to me then.

I don’t go to the stadium anymore. It has been years since I last watched a game at a stadium.

It’s understandable I think. As time passes by changes happened. I’m no longer staying at Rembau, which means instead of Paroi Stadium, the closest stadium from where I’m living now is Shah Alam stadium, the home of the team I hated the most. And no, I won’t even consider paying to watch them play! And also, I don’t have the friends to watch football with anymore. Watching football at the stadium without your friends won’t mean as much.

As I said changes happened with time so I’m ok with it. I no longer watch local football. Bribery scandals ruined everything for me. Furthermore, going to the stadium has been replaced by Astro football telecast. And my focus in football has changed, from supporting N9 to supporting Liverpool. And with that my interest in football also widen. I used to follow games from 5 leagues in Europe. At that time I can name the first eleven of most Europe’s major teams. In my mind I have my own world’s best 11, I knew the best players for every position.

That was also the time when I started to learn about the insides of football. The tactics, the inner working of football clubs, the history, the politics involved and every details (good and bad) of the game. With that, football became so much more complex to me. It was no longer just 22 players kicking the ball around trying to score a goal.

I think that somehow made me less of a football fan and more of a Liverpool fan. I will get excited days before Liverpool play their games. I watch Liverpool’s game no matter at what time. It won’t be the same with international games. I will watch it but only to see how Liverpool players were doing.

And now it has gotten worse, I have completely turned a blind eye to it. Like I said I didn’t watch a single match last night because I couldn’t care less. I dislike international games. They disrupt Liverpool’s season. Because of them there were no game for Liverpool yesterday. International games means risking injuries to Liverpool players, risking their fitness with the traveling they had to do to play for their country. Before I would be really proud if Liverpool players did well for their country but now I wish they won’t even play.

That was what happened to me. I just love Liverpool so much more than football itself. I don’t know if this is how other guys feel but I don’t think it will ever change. I’m not saying I hate football, but this is how it is. Liverpool rules over football!

The Good Boy – The One With The Tennis Game, & The Cheating

It was a calm morning. No wind at all. The Boy looked up to the sky and saw there were hardly any clouds around. “It’s going to be scorching hot in a few hours,” he said to himself. “Well at least it won’t rain. I hate to stop for the rain.” He continued stretching, he reached for his toes and made circling motions around it with his hands.

The Boy hardly slept last night. Too nervous and too excited. He promised himself that he was going to do it right this time. Last year, he completely blew it. It was his first game ever and he froze. All the training and the preparation was thrown out of the window. He was just too scared to play and he suffered a humiliating loss. But that was a year ago. Now, The Boy is the champion of his school. He surprised everyone when he beat C, the then number 1 player, in his school tournament earlier that year.

The Boy was never the most skillful. His basics and techniques left much room for improvement while his physical attributes were embarrassing. He was slow, lacked power in his shots and seriously lacked stamina. However he was smart. He loved tennis. He knew the game like no other and he could read his opponent’s play effortlessly. He thoroughly understood the cliché, ‘visualise the play, then execute it’. That was how The Boy became the number 1 player in his school.

But school differed from the district tournament. The Boy will be up against the players from the Chinese school who seemed to win the tournament every year. Also he will play against players from That Monkey School (TMS), the school that made weekend outings a nightmare for his fellow schoolmates. As students of a boarding school, they were seen as outsiders. They were harassed, mugged and beaten up, and most of the time TMS students were responsible for it. He was lucky enough not to ever been a victim but nonetheless he hated them. So this wasn’t just a tennis game, it was personal.

And behold, The Boy’s first match was going to be against a player from TMS! As a bonus, his opponent seemed to be the guy that the rest of them looked up to. He was loud, obnoxious and arrogant. He was no bigger than The Boy but acted like he owned the world.

“Well maybe he is the bitch to some ‘taiko’ at TMS, that’s why he is acting like an ass,” The Boy said to his friend.

A friend of The Boy was playing against one of them. In this tournament, they don’t have any umpire. The players will make the call. The score, the ins or outs, service faults or the opposites, all of that will be called by the players themselves. So when the TMS player made a doubtful called, The Boy and his friends naturally protested against it. A war of words started, and the player The Boy will play against said, “Oi bastards, if you guys don’t trust us, come here and be the line judge yourself!”

That was the last straw for The Boy. Because of what was said, The Boy decided to teach that arrogant guy a lesson. He wasn’t going to go to the guy and smacked him on the face. He told himself that he was classier than that (although deep down he knew it wasn’t about being classy, as much as he wanted to, The Boy just doesn’t have the nerve to smack that guy).

“Well he asked for it. I’m going to humiliate him later on the court. Just wait and see!”

The time came for The Boy to play. He took his place at one side of the court, waiting for his opponent to get ready for the warm up. During the warm up, both players were supposed to hit ‘friendly’ stroke to each other to get into the rhythm of the game. But The Boy had other plan, he will used the warm up to annoy the guy.

Instead of hitting easy strokes for the guy to hit back, The Boy deliberately hit the ball all over the place. He hit it hard, way to the back, to the side and even to the net. The guy ended up sweating by chasing the balls everywhere. And just to annoy him more, The Boy did all that with smiles on his face, saying ‘oh sorry too hard’ & ‘oops sorry didn’t mean that” and even laughing out loud at his own ‘miss hits’ stroke.

It worked very well. The guy’s face was red with anger and he looked like he was going to jump over the net and straggled The Boy at any moment.

The Boy’s coach knew what was happening and gave him the ‘what are you doing don’t try to be a smart ass’ warning look. The Boy just shrugged and ignored it.

“He is an ass so he doesn’t deserve my sportsmanship,” The Boy said to himself, trying to justify his action.

The warm up was over and the game started, and The Boy was flying! Everything went well for him. His strokes were killers and his serves were aces. The Boy raced to a 4-0 lead. He only needed to win another 4 games and the match will be over. (Instead of normal scoring system, they will only play 1 set with 8 games, so matches can be decided quicker).

“Sigh, this is too easy,” The Boy said in a low voice but loud enough for his opponent to hear.

The Boy got carried away with his plan. He showed no respect at all to his opponent and because of that he angered the whole TMS team, not only the players but also their coach. Every time he hits a winner he will say out loud things like ‘Whoah, that was sweeeet!’ or a simple ‘Hah!’. He deliberately yawned a few times during the game and whenever the guy managed to win a point The Boy will either laughed or shrugged his shoulders like it was nothing.

The score was 6-2 in favour of The Boy when he decided to do a really stupid thing. He felt that the guy wasn’t humiliated enough, he felt he needed to do more. So he let the guy win a few games and he made sure everyone there knew that he was letting the guy win. He hit the ball so hard that it flew way over the court, way outside the fence. With his serve, instead of tossing the ball high, he chose to do ‘under-serve’, like a normal stroke. And even then he deliberately hit his serves to the net.

When the score was 6-5, The Boy decided to quit fooling around and tried to finish the match quickly. However, it didn’t go to plan this time. His opponent gained confidence and gaining points. Now it was The Boy’s turned to sweat. His strokes suddenly just won’t go in and he hit double faults too many times. He has lost his composure.

His opponent started to hit baseline stroke a lot of times and The Boy struggled to deal with it. A few times The Boy called the guy’s baseline stroke as out when it was actually well in. The TMS coach walked over to The Boy’s side of the court in suspicion, and sure enough when The Boy called another baseline stroke as out, the TMS coach quickly overruled him.

“That bastard, he has been cheating all this while,” said the TMS team.

The Boy was panicking. He didn’t mean to cheat. Honestly he thought the strokes were out and that was because he has lost the sense of his positioning, his panicked movements made him feels like it was out. The tables were truly turned now, it was his turn to be embarrassed.

And before he knew it, that obnoxious ass of his opponent was on match point!

“This can’t be happening, I’m losing!”

And then it happened. The Boy’s opponent hit a winner on the match point, winning the match. His forehand stroke landed right on the line and The Boy can’t move quick enough to return the stroke. The Boy has lost!

He has lost in the first round!

“Out!” Suddenly a voice, forceful and so authoritative yelled. “The last stroke was out!”

Everyone turned to see who had said it. It was The Boy’s coach, standing confidently at the side of the court, looking straight at the TMS coach and daring him to challenge the call. It was obvious to everyone that the final ball had landed right on the line. It was so blatantly obvious that the ball was in.

However, no one said anything. No one dared to challenge the call. The Boy’s coach was the head of the tennis association of the district (or something like that) so no one had the nerve to overrule him.

Seeing no one said anything, The Boy’s coach nonchalantly said, “The match is not over. Continue!”

So they continued playing and in the end The Boy managed to win the match.

The Boy didn’t even so much raise his hands to celebrate the win. He just walked out of the court, head looking down, and he headed straight to the comfort of his teammates. All he wanted to do was to hide.

Then his coach walked over to him and told him to shake hands with his opponent. The Boy would rather eat dirt than to do that but his coach left him no choice. Feeling like there were bricks stuck to his feet, he walked over to the TMS camp and held his hand up, offering to shake hands. The guy just looked at him with venoms in his eyes.

“Shake his hand and get it over with,” the TMS coach told the guy. So he shook The Boy’s hand, reluctantly. The Boy knew everyone branded him a cheat. They didn’t say it out loud but they don’t have to. It was clear in their eyes. And they were right. The Boy had cheated his way to winning.

After that, The Boy’s coach took him to a corner and said these exact words to him, “You are an idiot. You don’t deserve to play the game but I’m going to let you continue playing in this tournament because you are a good player. If you ever again do what you did just now, I will cut you to pieces and fed you to the dog.”

The tongue-lashing lasted for about 5 minutes but it seemed like an eternity to The Boy. That day The Boy learned a lesson, an expensive and valuable lesson.

The Boy went on to win the tournament, beating the first seed from the Chinese school on the way. However the victory was tainted with the cheating in his first match.

And for weeks after that The Boy didn’t go out on weekends, afraid that he might bump into that obnoxious opponent of his. Thankfully he never did!

The Kite Runner

I wonder if anyone else read this book thinking if there is a little bit of Amir inside of them. Well I did, and I think Khaled Hosseini did an amazing job on Amir’s character. That boy exists, he was real!

The Kite Runner is the first novel by Khaled Hosseini. It has a simple storyline really, about how a boy growing up in a tough place, about his relationship with his dad and his relationship with his best friend. What makes it stand out is how Amir perceive things. The way he thinks and reacts, what he feels and fears. That for me made the book special.

It is amazing that Kite Runner is the writer’s first novel because of the depth of the story. However, compared to his second novel A Thousand Splendid Suns (TSS), Kite Runner is very raw. Raw in the style and the way the story move from chapter to chapter can be quite ‘crude’. But this is not to say it being raw affected the story. This book is excellent.

How does Kite Runner compare to TSS? TSS for me is a story of sad tragedy and Kite Runner is a scary, terrifying tragedy. While TSS has better flow to the plot and story, Kite Runner moves faster.

I used the words 'masterful gripping story' to describe TSS, the same words apply to The Kite Runner. A must read.

Can’t wait for Khaled Hosseini’s third novel.

The Dream

One night a few months back I had a dream.

I was in my school musolla. While everyone was praying at the front, I got distracted by something glowing and shining at the back. It was like a shrine, something you find in a temple. Instead of me joining the prayers, I just sat at the back watching the shrine. The shrine appealed to me more.

I wish I had woken up sweating with my heart beating fast n violent, but I did not. I woke up in a daze, confused by the dream but then went back to sleep immediately. I wish the dream would have bothered me a whole lot more but it didn’t. I have forgotten all about the dream until last night while I was listening to the tazkirah.

The dream itself might be nothing more than just a dream but the fact that I can just forget about it worries me. It kind of reaffirms my fear that I have strayed too far.

I am just too fickle. Time and again I have asked forgiveness from God only to keep doing the same mistakes. When I repent, if I can call it repent, I really meant it. I promised to never do it again, but it keeps on happening. No matter how strong the will I had I will just keep doing it. No matter how much I regretted it, it will recur. And now it has become something that I ruefully accepted, it will never go away and I can never change.

Just imagine asking for forgiveness, repenting, but at the same time knowing it will surely happens again. It’s like there is no more hope.

And for this one mistake that I once did, I have never really regretted it. I mean the regret was there, the terrible feeling is felt until today and I told friends that it was the biggest mistake in my life but I have never regretted it the way that I should. I truly realised the magnitude of what I did, but what I felt wasn't really guilt. It wasn't remorse. It was relief, because I got away with it.

And last night while listening to the tazkirah, I thought about the dream that I had a few months back. And I thought about that mistake. And tears were dropped but not because of the guilt. It was because I can’t feel the regret.

I feel dead inside.

From John Arne Riise

Below are the words from John Arne Riise. He left for Roma after 7 seasons with Liverpool.

Dear fans of Liverpool FC,

After seven seasons at Anfield, it's time for me to "walk on". In many ways it feels inspiring and exciting to be familiar with the pressure of a new employer, meet new fans, meet a new culture and play a new kind of football. I
look forward to this new adventure, but I travel with a loss.
Because, it's not easy for me to leave you - the world's best
supporters! I've been thinking about this almost every day this summer. After seven wonderful seasons, and more than 340 matches for Liverpool, I never had the opportunity to make a real and proper goodbye with you - the world's most motivating fans. You have always supported me and the team and I want you all to know how important you've been to me and the other players.

I've been giving my "thank you" to the club, the staff and the players and they'll always have a special place in my heart. And this is my thank-you letter to all the fans out there that have been supporting me during these years. I will follow the team closely from Italy and will stay in touch with many of the players and many of my friends in Liverpool.

With respect to the many hundreds of great moments I have experienced in red, it will be unfair to draw up one highlight rather than another. There has always been the highlight of wearing the red shirt at Anfield. It's always been a privilege to have the initials LFC on the space closest to the heart. As you all know I was a player who always, no matter what, gave 110 per cent in every training session and every game. I always tried to give you the entertainment you deserved. Even in the bad moments you were there for me and the team.

To play in front of the red crowd, every minute has been a privilege. Even after my unfortunate own goal against Chelsea in the Champions League semi last April - where all our dreams were crushed - I felt the support and sympathies from you as real and important. When I signed seven years ago, I couldn't in my wildest dreams expect the journey you all gave me. I will always be grateful for that. A big thank-you to you all.

I'm 100 per cent sincere when I say that I will always remember all the great moments we've had and you - our fans - have such great importance for these great matches and great moments. Liverpool FC will have a lot more great moments like this in the future and I hope that I will experience great things with my new team - AS Roma. I hope you will continue to follow my career.

Therefore, I do not say goodbye, but so long. Arrivederci - Walk on!


Sincerely,

John Arne Riise

Aston Villa vs Liverpool

Result : 0-0
Man of the match : Carragher

Sometimes I just wonder what is in Rafa’s head. Chelsea played earlier against Spurs and drew. That was our chance to get to the top of the league. That was how I see it, but obviously not Rafa. He went to this game thinking ‘great, Chelase drew so we don’t have to take risk to win. A draw would be enough because that means we would still be on level with them. If we got a win it would be a bonus but we don’t have to win.’

That sucks! For me we should always play to win. I can understand if we play cautiously against the top 3 teams but against the rest we should really go for the win regardless of the situation.

Rafa started with 3 central midfielders, Alonso, The Chief and Lucas. The back 4 was as usual and Torres started upfront with Kuyt & Keane supported him on the flanks. The team actually started the game playing 4-4-2 with Lucas on the left and Keane partnering Torres, but 5 minutes into the game they changed it to Keane on the left and Torres upfront alone. 20 million worth of striker played on the left is just rubbish for me. What a waste.

We struggled in the game. Keane was ineffective on the left and when Torres got injured things got worse. Ngog, Torres replacement is a decent player but it was too much to expect for a 19 year old making his debut to play on his own. We really struggled. Thankfully 10 minutes before halftime Rafa did change the formation with Keane back at playing in the center along side Ngog, and we instantly played better. Keane has to play in the center, other than that is unacceptable.

We improved in the 2nd half but with no natural wide player we were always going to find it hard to score. And when Rafa took Keane out and replaced him with Benayoun, I just gave up. Keane was one of the better players today but that just showed Rafa's intent that is not to lose the game, instead of trying to win it. And that was what we did for the last 10 minute. Ngog isolated upfront with the rest of the player back defending. We ended the game without a single shot on target. Ridiculous!

It was only Villa, Rafa. Only Aston fucking Villa!

I have no doubt Rafa see the result as 1 point gained. He will point out to Gerrard’s absence and Torres pulling a hamstring. He will say ‘look we got 7 points from the first 3 games, with 2 of it being away games. We kept another clean sheet and we stay level at the top still unbeaten.’ I disagree Rafa, we should have gone for broke today and try to get a lead on Chelsea. We wasted a great opportunity to build a lead on Chelsea.

We played Aston Villa and played negatively. How are we going to square up with Chelsea Arsenal and Man Utd? Admittedly Villa is one of the better sides outside the top 4 but if we need to be cautious against all the teams that have a hint of troubling us we will never challenge for the title.

The man of the match was again Carra. It’s pretty embarrassing when we keep having a defender as the man of the match. That just show how pathetic we were.

Please change your mind set, Rafa. It is getting depressing…